30 April, 2010

One Week Job

There will be no "Blood, Sweat and Beers" on Ustream.tv tonight.  Instead, I interviewed Sean Aiken of "One Week Job" about his project and the North American launch of his book "The One Week Job Project". <=== clicky there to order, oh lost American youth. 

If you're looking for a book to motivate you to take charge of your career, your happiness and your life, "The One Week Job Project" delivers.

Somehow, Sean also interviewed me during our yakfest on Skype.  Hopefully that means we'll get to work together soon!  :D

[Video HERE on the OneHundredJobs YouTube Channel.  Please subscribe!!!]

IN OTHER JOBS:

On Wednesday, May the 5th, for the fabulous drinking holiday known as Cinco de Mayo, and for Job 42, I will be out on the street in glamorous hilarious attire promoting Montreal's magnífico Mexican restaurant, Mesa 14. 

Mi pistolas llevar a todos los muchachos a la yarda ...

If any of my readers want to show up to support freedom tequila me, I may work a little magia and throw in a mojito.

CAPTION THIS!  Our "friend" Bushie during a Cinco de Mayo celebration...

¡El presidente de muchos puestos de trabajo y pequeños cerebros!


Aimee

29 April, 2010

You Suck @ Chuck-e

One line summary of today: booked the table for the 100 JOBS GARAGE SALE ON MAY 29, sang mad awesome karaoke at SingSnap.com all morning (I'll show you the results when I am ready), met with Harry from Mocoloco.com, got great feedback and ideas for the improvement of One Hundred Jobs, ate moussaka, gained 5 pounds.  A full day!


More like attack of the giant tummy...

IN FORMER 100 JOBBERS:

I interviewed the creator of one of my fave poke-funny-at-Internet-dumbasshattery website, YouSuckAtCraigslist.com to find out where s/he worked before Internet infamy.

The creator and head writer is actually FEMALE (a big FUCK YOU to men who claim that women can't be funny) who chooses to remain anonymous because she works as a professor in a well-known Midwestern University.  I asked her what her worst low-paying job was, and she responded with this anecdote involving preteen hooligans, mascot abuse, and boobs.  In other words, pure WIN.

Almost reminds me of my Blackberry mascot hell, minus the fondling, plus hot glue in the face, cold rain and RIM marketing bitchfaces.  By the way, Infieldmarketing.com still hasn't paid me for my mascot Job.  Jerks.

@YousuckatCl's story:
The day I turned sixteen, I got a job at Chuck E. Cheese because a friend of mine already worked there. When I went for my interview, the manager seemed irrationally interested in how tall I was -- or wasn't, as the case may be; I was still under five feet tall at the age of sixteen.

When I showed up for work the first day, they let me know that because I was short, I would be assigned to the Chuck E. Cheese costume. I got no training, no guidance, no practice. They just put the costume on me (which was enormous, because it was a one-size costume designed to fit people up to six feet tall) and sent me out to deal with kids. I don't even have younger brothers or sisters, so I know *nothing* about kids.

Being Chuck E. isn't an easy job, because you can't talk in the costume. When people ask you yes or no questions, that's fine, but for some reason everyone's favorite question to ask is "Chuck E., are you a boy or a girl?" You're not supposed to answer that question, but people can be really insistent about it. (Usually it's the drunk fathers who really want to know -- why do they sell beer at Chuck E. Cheese again?) You're supposed to have a handler to help the mute rat field questions like this, but if you're stuck with a dud handler it's really difficult. It's also supposed to be the handler's job to keep Chuck E. from tripping over three year olds, who have an innate talent for standing directly in the blind spots of the rat head.

Anyway, one day I was in costume and there was a troop of prepubescent Boy Scouts at the restaurant. The Boy Scouts were being very aggressive, which was even more of a problem because my handler had gone off to flirt with a co-worker. The Boy Scouts were very determined to find out whether there was a girl or boy inside the costume. One of them decided that he could figure it out by giving Chuck E. a HUGE hug. He hugged me VERY tightly -- at which point he turned to his friends and said, "Chuck E.'s a girl, and she's got tits like THIS!" (holding his hands out in front of his body in Dolly Parton proportions).

Now, both of these things are, in fact, true. I am female, and I am well-endowed. (Not quite Partonesque, though.) However, the end result was that every single Boy Scout decided they needed to give Chuck E. a "hug". A very vigorous hug, with lots of hands in places they shouldn't have been.

There's very little you can do inside the costume. You can't see anything, so you can't deflect groping grubby Boy Scout hands before they reach their intended destination. You're not allowed to talk, so you can't tell them to cut it out. You can't move quickly, so you can't get away.

So I was slowly backing up, until I found myself in a corner. At this point the Boy Scouts saw their next opportunity, which was to grab the head of the costume and pull it off -- and proceeded to run around the restaurant with Chuck E.'s head held high above them, yelling, "We beheaded Chuck E. Cheese! We beheaded Chuck E. Cheese!"

No, really.

At this point my only option was to try to sneak back to the backstage area, but in order to get there I had to walk across the entire restaurant -- without a head. It was mayhem; small kids were wailing and adults were laughing (and not trying to help, mind you). Headless, I got back to the backstage area ... and was fired.

Because I "let them" do that.

The best part of it all is that when I called my mother to come get me (I couldn't even drive by myself yet!) we stopped by the mall on the way home because she needed to pick something up. While she was shopping I noticed that there was a new record store opening in the mall, so I went in to apply for a job -- and got hired on the spot. So in the space of an hour, I went from working in a rat suit (so very uncool!) to working in a record store (coolest job ever, for a teenager)!

So there, Chuck E. Cheese!

-drmk
Her anecdote proves what I already knew:  If you WIN at being a mascot, you FAIL in real life.  Being rejected as a non-speaking, handicapped, sweating, suffering mascot is a HUGE compliment, thank you very much.

Being rejected BY a mascot is another thing entirely.  Please don't tell this to Death Bear.  *shudders*

 


BIG BEAR HUG!!!!!


Aimee

28 April, 2010

Garbage Sale

I got an uber-inspiring flyer today in the snail box.  No, it wasn't the Chinese takeout menu.


I WOULD LIKE TO ANNOUNCE THAT I WILL BE HOLDING A 100 JOBS GARAGE SALE on May 29th from 9 a.m. - 12 p.m. to sell, you guessed it, at least $100 worth of my crap.  My sale is part of a HUGE Ville Mont-Royal public garage sale, so if you drop by to support me, you stand a good chance of finding the junk of your dreams!  That sounded funny...

I have to go pay to reserve a table , so it's to be confirmed, but if they let me book a spot, I'm gonna sell off my premium garbage for the big bucks!  Get ready to meet with my...

 Owl statue, woolen pear and ROLEX*!

*superlative chronometer officially certified Rolex oyster perpetual datejust.  Yes, it says that on the face.  My owl says "kitsch" if you smash it.  My pear just says... pathetic?

IN OTHER JOBS:

I handed in my first draft of my LeisureRules.ca treasure hunt.  All that remains is for me to become magically smarter than a fifth grader and spice up my hunt with some rebus, Regis and Sandy Bullock's surprise baby, FTW!

Mesa14 confirmed 100% they are hiring me for Job 42!  Seeing as no-one (men) got past me getting all hot an bothered with Nigella Lawson, it remains to be seen in what capacity I will be hired for.  If you have suggestions, I'm still open!  No, Trevor, I will not be hired as a Mexican belly dancer.  I suddenly feel like I'm back to the beginning of this project, with a flood of lewd e-mails.  I'm getting all sentimental and misty!!!!  No, not "down there", George, and NO $100 razor scarification, thanks.

I also joined BrazenCareerist.com to continue my relentless, exhaustive, snarky, desperate JOB SEARCH!  I still don't quite understand the "social resumé networking job search site" but I'm willing to... ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZz. 

IN FORMER 100 JOBBERS:


Reminds me of something:



Like a ray of light in the new hire junkyard,


Aimee

27 April, 2010

Mush and Slush

On my way to an open meeting for the new Canadian Media Fund, I walked by a busker in "Place des Arts" and he was singing, "Un jour, le grand amour, Aimée".

Interesting. 



It is cold, wet, slushy and generally nasty outside in Montreal today.  As such, I have been cold, wet, slushy and mostly catching up on housework.  Aw, I bet you thought I was gonna say nasty!  SUCKAS!

I debated venturing out tonight and offering to shovel snow from driveways at $10 a pop, but I figured I would wind up being paid in laughter, wet socks and slammed doors.  SUBURBAN F*CKAS!

IN OTHER JOBS:

I STILL NEED SUGGESTIONS FOR A RESTAURANT JOB AT MESA 14!  Please suggest jobs to @mrmesa14 on Twitter.  My Macaroni and Cheese Fund thanks you.

IN JOBS FROM AROUND THE WEB:

I want to go to Marina Abramović's performance exhibition "The Artist is Present" at the Museum of Modern Art in New York city. 

Abramović will sit across a table and share gazes with anyone who wants to join her in her live marathon performance, which is taking place within an exhibition her past works.  The MoMA has an impressive Flickr stream of the many people who have joined her, including some celebrities.  The photography resulting from the brief exchanges is vivid and unnerving, possibly a kind of high definition time lapse photography.

Nooooe, not more snooooe!!!

MMMmmmmmm... $100?

If I could get Marina to pay me $100 to sit with her, that would be amazing.

I think I'll have better luck shoveling snow,


Aimee

26 April, 2010

Inside Joke

For Job 40, on April Fools' day, I was hired by the CEO of Meicpg.com to infiltrate their Montreal office, behave bizarrely (wear inappropriate clothing, clean my desk several times, complain about the location of my desk, send a politically incorrect e-mail, light a candle, paint my nails red and take photographs with my new coworkers), and attend an important company meeting where I disagreed with the implementation of a new software model.  In the video below, pay attention to the faces of the employees in the boardroom while I violate office politics and argue with upper management during my first day on the job:




I didn't include the footage from my other pranks, because I felt like they distracted from my main performance in the boardroom.  Watching the prank from an outside perspective, though, is less hilarious (and tense?) than my experience of living through it.  It took very little to elicit shock from my new coworkers; I was reminded of the power of office politics.

As someone who routinely works at home alone, I forgot that offices can be very controlled environments with established hierarchies and unspoken rules that are not to be violated, especially in the first few weeks of employment.  It takes very little deviation in an office to challenge authority and get the rumor mill running in overdrive. As an outsider defying corporate norms, I could see how stressful it could be working 9-5 if you don't fit in with company culture or your colleagues.  Getting feedback about what people actually thought about my character was enlightening; my coworkers were embarrassed or annoyed by my behavior but didn't say a thing to me directly.  Brittany Cook was definitely different from the persona I typically choose to adopt in my working life: I prefer to blend in and not alienate coworkers with my bizarre behavior; I generally WIN them over with my bizarre behavior. LOL!

In keeping with the pranks of that day, I got Sean Aiken from "One Week Job" to fill out the inappropriate "Official 100 Jobs Waste Time at Work From" e-mail that I sent around.  Here are his responses as part two of our interview:

>> Name: Sean
>> Year of the: Rooster
>> Occupation: I like "stuff"
>> Best job you ever had: Picking apples
>> Worst job you ever left: Picking apples
>> Biggest workplace crush: ??
>> Is your boss hot? Why? My mom thinks I'm handsome.
>> Sex in the can? Nope
>> Best job prank:
>> How many years until you retire? I'm sure I'll always be working in some way.
>> Do you want to retire? I like the idea of mini retirements. Work 5 years, retire for a year...
>> How much money would be enough money for you to make annually? Be honest. 80K after tax
>> Would you rather: Haul garbage? Be a secretary? Haul
>> Would you rather: Operate on brains? Donate yours to the lunchroom? Operate

>> Would you rather: Be paid extremely well to fail at your job? Be paid
>> minimally for excellence? Depends what I was trying to accomplish. If I was continually failing in an attempt to discover the cure for cancer, then I'd be cool with that. If I was being paid minimally for perfecting the art of sealing envelopes, then I wouldn't be so cool with that.
>> Would you rather: Take the package or lose your favorite coworker? Is it a benefits package? If so, I'd keep the coworker. They would contribute more to my job satisfaction, and I don't think I'd stay at a job too long that would demand that I make such a choice anyway and therefore not allow me to fully benefit from the package ;)

>> Would you rather: Never have coffee at work again? Only be able to eat
>> lunch from the snack machine, permanently? Not a huge fan of coffee yet, buy I'm getting there.
>> Number of hours you work a day: Varies
>> Number of hours you work a month: Varies
>> Number of hours you work a year: Varies
>> Depressed yet? Nope
>> Fax or photocopier? Fax
>> Blackberry/Iphone or laptop? iPhone
>> Pen or stapler? Pen
>> Inter-office affair or divorce? Neither
>> How long have you been at your current job? Not sure
>> How long until you leave it? Not sure
>> Slap your coworkers ass or punch your boss in the face? Neither
>> Linked-in or Facebook? Facebook
>> Twitter or Facebook? Facebook
>> Facebook or Lunchtruck? Lunch truck
>> Do you have a photo of your family on your desk? Yep
>> Do you have an inspirational poster? Nope
>> Do you address your coworkers as:  Hun?  Sweetheart?  Baby?  Hotstuff? Nope
>> Do you gloat about your spouse? No spouse
>> Anyone's eyes glaze over in your presence? Nope
>> Did you want to get out of bed this morning? Yep
>> Do you mass e-mail annoying FWDs? Yes?  Nope. Sorry.

Endearingly weird and disruptive,

Aimee

23 April, 2010

You-Commerce

I think I've alluded to the term "You-commerce" before (a neologism I created that I am taking credit for :), but I want to talk about it today.

You-commerce is building, promoting and monetizing ones personal brand, products and services through social media and new media platforms such as Twitter, YouTube, Facebook, LinkedIn, MySpace and any free blogging service.  You-commerce is digital self-empowerment: a low-budget personal and professional new media strategy.

Online self-broadcast mediums are democratic; any person who is willing to define their personal brand, work to the top of their abilities, and put in the hours to create and develop their new media platforms has an equal opportunity to succeed online and offline.  I want to clarify that I'm not saying that these platforms guarantee the quality of your work, the scope of your audience or millions of dollars and worldwide domination, but I think that as a marketing tool, a You-commerce strategy is essential for any professional seeking to build a reputation and expand their markets online and offline.

You-commerce is not effortless (explaining the rise in "social media community management" positions) and I think that's why not everyone who could and should be employing a You-commerce strategy is doing so.  The web is overwhelming and can deter action through too many options, so my advice is to pick six platforms and devote yourself to them on a daily basis, knowing that it will take time to grow, but that the return will be worth the effort.

A few examples of simple strategies for different artistic disciplines: 

If you are a visual artist, create a custom Twitter and a Facebook Fan Page but also include DeviantArt, Flickr, Artician, SheezyArt, ConceptArt, Shadowness, and Gfxartist to your online portfolio and social networking roster.  Make friends there, silly introvert, and don't forget to apply for jobs or add galleries to your Twitter list!

If you are an actor, WRITE YOUR OWN DAMN 2-3 minute episodic WEB SERIES and GET IT ONLINE on either Vimeo or YouTube.  Just make sure the concept is strong, easily communicable in one sentence (traditional broadcasters have deep pockets but very little patience), and appeals to the interests of the market you want to work in.  Other essential social networks for actors are CastingWorkbook, Mandy, Backstage, ActorsandCrew and ModelMayhem.  Make sure you send on your highly rated clips to casting directors in the area.  If you're not promoting your "craft" on the Internet, you will never ever ever ever ever land large roles.  Ever.

If you are a musician, instead of just sticking to MySpace, try out Numubu.com, AmieStreet, Imeem, Lulu, and Indabamusic.  And don't forget to record your live performances and broadcast them on a custom YouTube channel, as well as doing kick ass acoustic versions of popular songs, adding them as a video response to music videos on YouTube, and watching as your own music sales soar, provided that you do not suck.  Or maybe sucking isn't so bad, if it attracts enough attention....



The resources are there for You-commerce, YOU just have to make an effort, join and use them consistently.

Feel free to add your network suggestions in my comments, or tell me how to improve MY use of You-Commerce.: AiMEe-commerce.

IN OTHER JOBS:

Harry from Mocoloco rescheduled for next week, so you'll have to wait for my avant-gardsy clip.

ALSO, I am officially looking for a videographer/editor/project-life-partner, so if you know anyone who wants to join me on my 100 jobs journey, send them my way.  Wine is in your future if s/hes the one and looks like Curtis Stone has a great personality.


I know you cook naked. Olive oil.

Yours in You-commerce,


Aimee

22 April, 2010

Job 41: Avant-Garde Beta Testing

And just when I thought my Friday night out would consist of Ramen noodles and pity drinks, I was hired by Mocoloco.com yesterday to beta test the new social media sharing options of their revamped website.  My thanks to Tanya (@TanMcG on Twitter), of Montreal Girl Geeks, for the referral.

For the unhip set, Mocoloco features articles and photos of modern contemporary design and architecture from around the world.

This is a "hug chair".  I don't want to know what a fu...

This is a "circus rug". I don't want to know what a fu...


This is what the back of my right retina looks like: "teahead"?

I lied, I lied. Clearly this MOOOI balloon is... deep inside of me.

I'd keep joking but I'll make the Ikea guy jealous.  His Fünnileenen is sooooo 2009.  This Error Bracelet, however...


Here is e-mail from Mocoloco's head honcho, Harry, that laid out the tasks of Job 41:
Subject:  Mocoloco.com SHARE testing
Hi Aimee,

Great talking to you just now. Here's what I need for the Mocoloco.com social media features testing:

- test our new *SHARE* feature in our extended posts (individual pages),
- try out each of the options; Facebook, Twitter and Stumbleupon to see if they work
- try out each of the options in Firefox and Internet Explorer version 8
- document any obstacles or problems/errors encountered
NOTE: you should flush your cache each time between testing Facebook, Twitter and Stumbleupon or your browser will remember the previous settings

Afterward can you also please sign-in the LOGIN/REGISTER in the menu on the left of the home page (see attached screenshot) using Facebook and then try out the SHARE, and also leave a comment on any page?  Logging in should in theory mean you have access to both without signing in again.
The goal is to make these options as frictionless as possible, the fewest steps possible, with no errors.

Take care,


Harry
And... three-ish hours later, the job was finished!  What can I say, I excel at making things frictionless  >:).  Job 41 was painless, if soul-numbingly logical and methodical (i.e. not suited to my CWAZY personality type at AWL!) .  Good thing there are...

The "Peep Show" fishes.  And... I'm done.

My beta testing experience was slightly better than data entry, but involved me unlearning my automatic clicking without thinking habits: I had to define, analyze and record my every move.  I respect the developers who do Q.A. (quality assurance) and beta testing on a full time basis: it's very... mechanical.

I should be meeting with Harry tomorrow to interview him on camera about about the MUCH MUCH MUCH MORE EXCITING WORLD OF MOCOLOCO and its involvement in the international avant-garde design community, who would clearly laugh at the shack in which I live.

IN OTHER JOBS:

Divine.ca finally got back to me yesterday about Job 12, and I'm confirmed to work for them on May 14th to mail out samples of Revitalift to about 90 of their members.  I'll also be writing an article for them about my experience and slathering myself in enough anti-aging cream to make Madonna jealous.

Image via Johnnyikon.com. Likely faked in Photoshop, unlike her love of Jesus.

Also, I finally got my hot little paws on the footage from Job 40, the in-office April Fools prank.  I'm going to watch it pronto and cut the video within the next few days.  I'm sooo excited to watch myself chew out the CEO!

Mucholoco (and PLEASE keep your restaurant job suggestions coming in the comments of the post below, please!)


Aimee.

21 April, 2010

Suggest a Resto-Job

I'm 99% confirmed to work for Mesa 14, a Mexican restaurant in Montreal.  However, Joey from Mesa 14 wants me to do something "creative" for them.  Here's his call for employment suggestions:

Hi Aimee!

It's Joey here, AKA @MRMesa14... I propose some form of adventure here.

How about we let your readers help decide what you should do.

I was brainstorming on how this might work, still haven't struck on a good idea. I don't think you should serve food or bartend and you are definitely too sociable to dishwash...

So what do all you out there think? How do we make this fun and interesting?
I still think that I could and should wait tables; I worked as a waitress at Red Lobster, a lousy breakfast joint that went bankrupt within a month, and for numerous special events during my career as actorwaitingtables, but I think Joey wants something SPECIAL.  Now is your chance to suggest something particularly scintillating and/or hilarious for me to do to promote Mesa 14.



I could make 100 appetizers? Come up with a special 100 Jobs menu? Contact chef
Gordon Ramsay and have him bust into their kitchen and declare me a f*cking nightmare?  Make out with Nigella Lawson?

Image via Joeydevilla.com.  We could be sisters, seriously.

I need your help! GTS? Ben? Sandy? John? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?


Aimee.

20 April, 2010

Hook me up, LinkedIn!

Whenever I hear LinkedIn, the first thing that comes to mind is "chained up".

Image via LaRocks Escape Magic.  Reminds me of my ex-husband.

I made good on my Twitter promise and worked on my LinkedIn Page today.  Despite getting a lot of job offers through Craigslist, Kijiji, Facebook, ModelMayhem and Twitter, LinkedIn has yet to hook me up.  HOWEVAH, the "can-do cougar" in me has decided that my lack of offers only means that I need to make more of an effort, and wear more eyeliner and leopard print.

Don't ask me where I got this because it is too awesome. 

Are artists and the arts are underserved by LinkedIn?  Maybe artists have so many alternative job sourcing sites and strategies that LinkedIn is too "straight", "white collar" and "professional" for their needs.  That is not to say that artistic disciplines are unprofessional, but my instinct is that artists have value systems, ways of interacting and micro-communities that are fundamentally different than the way that LinkedIn functions.  Most artists don't have a stable employment history at corporations that declare themselves publicly on LinkedIn, for instance.  My guess is that LinkedIn could grow even further by tailoring services to the unique egos personalities quirks needs of creatives and artistic professionals.

For those uninitiated to LinkedIn, I found this helpful slide presentation on Slideshare by Jay Baer: "22 Ways to Dominate (on LinkedIn)"  Chained up, indeed.  ROWWWNNNNN!!!!!

After spending a couple of hours poking around and researching on LinkedIn this afternoon, I know that I need to create and join a few groups and comment on more discussions, essentially widening my network and upping my popularity, JUST LIKE ON OTHER SOCIAL NETWORKS.   I guess I'll just have to add LinkedIn to my ritual of Tweeting, Facebooking, Blogging, YouTubing and picking up handsome young men at trendy little haunts. *wink*

Let's connect, for grrrrrrrrrr,
 
Aimee

P.S. Feel free to add me to LinkedIn even if you aren't male, under 24 and can't do dinner with me.  Purrrrrrfect.

19 April, 2010

Cinco de Jobbo

Thanks to Twitter (yes, a legitimate job sourcing resource!), I may have a new job offer to work at a popular Montreal Mexican restaurant called Mesa 14

They have a special Cinco de Mayo celebration coming up: maybe I'll be working then?

Cinco de Mayo - Wednesday May 5th
Mesa 14's 6th Anniversary - Friday May 7th
Specials on food and drink from  May 5th-8th
There will be all kinds of things going on, giveaways, over the 4 days. Don't miss it!
For more details: info@mesa14.com

Mega May at Mesa 14
Time: 5:00PM Wednesday, May 5th
Location: 1425 rue Bishop, Montreal.
I'm waiting to hear back from the owner:  We'll see if I'll get to be a glamorous waitress, buzzed bartender or a down and dirty dishwasher. :D

Muy Caliente!


Aimee

18 April, 2010

The Power of Threes

Yup, I'm officially back in Montreal and ready for some more hard alcohol work... starting tomorrow morning, that is.  Time heals all heartbreak  hangovers...

Annnnndddd... I obsessively poured over my eye scan for the last two days and have concluded that I am in possession of a third eye in the back of my head.   Kinky.

(The abnormality looks like a partially formed third iris, hence why the centre of it has no pigmentation.  I will confirm my suspicions with a doctor and report back.)

A little dedication:



Meh.

IN OTHER JOBS:

I spent all of Friday hiking outside in the T-dot working on my urban treasure hunt for LeisureRules.ca, for Job 21.  Let's just say that I don't find being clever very easy. 

eye save -s +h 3 Is. Eye fish -f +w + female sheep + opposite of h8 +d me + picture of a large rodent + biceps.

Full disclosure: I can barely tell left from right, let alone guide a group of white collar mega nerds to an obscure landmark with Mensa-like clues.  BUT I'M TRYING OKAY?  I ALWAYS TRY BUT SOMEHOW IT NEVER WORKS OUT FOR ME. *collapses into tears from three different eyes*

*ahem*

The hunt should take place in July.  That means I have three months to become clever OR pay someone $100 to be clever for me, whichever comes first.  Maybe I should call upon the power of my third eye?

Here are a few things I found on my hike in downtown Toronto:

If you eat here will you still die if someone punches you in the stomach?

Chances are she has three eyes too. and seven vaginas.

Bounce, bounce, off moo? (my nickname)

This is the only beer encounter I had Friday night.  The rest was wine and salty tears.

IN FORMER 100 JOBBERS:

From an article on BigThink.com:
Stephan Jenkins is lead singer and guitarist for the Third Eye Blind, a San Francisco-based alt-rock group Jenkins founded in the early 90s. Although diagnosed with dyslexia as a child, Jenkins showed an early aptitude for music. He went on to attend UC Berkeley and graduated as valedictorian of his class with a BA in English Literature. Third Eye Blind’s first self-titled album won Billboard’s Modern Rock Track of the Year in 1997 for “Semi-Charmed Life.”
So there.  You can be blind in your eye third and still become a rockstar. 

But I still cannot make you love me,


Aimee

P.S. Two out of three ain't bad. lol.

15 April, 2010

The Eyes are the Window to the.... WTF?

I worked my last day at the AAN (Amercian Academy of Neurology) conference, but before I left I obtained an "Ocular Coherence Tomography" scan, or OCT scan for short.  It is non-invasive, painless and uses lasers to assess the density of your retina and shows it surfaces, layers and vascular structures.  The imaging is a valuable diagnostic tool for numerous conditions, including multiple sclerosis.

Good news: I don't have MS.

Bad news: my scan showed an abnormality at the back of my right eye.

Oh, wooonnderful.  *damaged eye roll*

:(

An image of the artist 
before she confirmed 
she was a freak of nature
inside
and 
out
  (Poetry by Aimeethepoet, college journal, 1997)

When I get back to Montreal, I have to go see an Ophthalmologist to determine if the depigmented (albino), circular "retinal nevus" is a cause for concern or just merits following and monitoring on an annual basis.  The way the doctor reacted, I don't think he's seen a depigmented retinal nevus (which is apparently present in a sub-layer of my retina) very often, but he seemed to act as if it was likely benign.  Dr. Fernandez's last words to me, said in a tone of resolve and awe, "we found it." 

It can only mean that...

...My "it" factor is scientifically proven

...It proves that I am starry-eyed

...Dad, next time steal the stars and put them in my pants, please.

Let's just hope my "One Hundred Jobs" project doesn't devolve into "100 Jobs I completed before I died tragically young (and fabulous)."

Maybe now I'll be popular amongst the drama draculas?  Create "The Aimee Davison Foundation for Stupid Shit (and Albino Retinal Nevus Research)"

MAHHHHHHH!!!!!!


Aimeethealien

14 April, 2010

Call in the Replacements

Because I write the rules around here, andam the Queen of Temporary Jobs (QTJ), I have decided to replace Job 38, the cancelled branded business card distribution, >:( , with the neurology conference job that I am working at this week,  >:) .

I got the job through Convention Models and Talent, which is the same awesome, professional and well-paying North American convention staffing company that placed me at the entertaining urology conference (hee hee- PEE PEES and penis pumps!!!) for Job 6.

Offering chocolate to neurosurgeons so they fill out a survey... in my car. 

And thanks be to Gerard Buttler, another replacement job was also offered to me last night by Cheryl, my good friend and real estate agent extraordinaire, who is also the mastermind behind Job 28: holding $100 hostage until I get 1000 Facebook fan page members.  Mah page is some sweet online real estate and you can even live there for free if you PLEASE OH DEAR GOSH PLEASE JOIN!!!

*ahem*

Back to the replacement job: Cheryl was inspired by Sean Aiken's interview yesterday, and so she wants to assign me a job where I'll be giving back and making a difference.  I have to watch the 80s cult movie "Clue" (for what reason, I have no idea, please fill me in via the comments if you do), dredge up my handmade burlesque cigarette girl costume and go entertain residents at an old folk's home by "singing and dancing and just generally making people happy" as I allegedly "always do."  Sounds... complicated and loony, but for $100 I'll consider it a wacky goodwill mission, in red.


Handing out CDs as costumed cigarette girls (I designed and the costumes) for ADAPT 2008.


IN OTHER JOBS:

I haven't followed through with posting all the spam offers I've been getting lately, but I will indulge you now.  Basically, no employer has offered me anything legitimate in Toronto or Montreal in two weeks, despite my posting of multiple calls for jobs.  I think I may have to change my job sourcing tactics when I return to Montreal.  I am tired of getting offers like:

Subject: TRANSPORT

HELLO

how are you doing today I am john williams, I need the services of a Chauffeur/Driver to take my family around the state, and please,

I need a non-alcoholic and responsible fellow. Do get back to me as soon as you can alright,

thanks

MY REGARDS

+447024055626778

williams

and...

Subject: Store Auditor

Good day,

Our Company needs a proven experience and systems use information from a variety of sources, including mystery shop visits and store audits to quantify the gap between your brand promise and the reality of exactly what your customers have experienced. Shopping for new clothes,Electronic at stores like The Gap, Macy's, Old Navy, Banana Republic, QVC,Staples and other retailers Dining with your family or friends at restaurants like Olive Garden, Cheesecake Factory,McDonald, Black Angus, Outback, Burger King and other popular restaurants You will pose as a typical shopper so you can give us feedback about their employees' customer service, sales ability, product knowledge, procedures, and professionalism We turn the information (you gave us) over to the company executives and they would carry out their own duties in improving their services.Most companies employ our assistance when people give complaints about their services or when they feel there are needs for them to improve their general [sic] Give us all your information name, address, employer, phone numbers, credit card and bank account.

and finally...

Subject: READ YOUR RESUME - JOB OFFER.
From: Frank Cruise

DENZL Properties is a company for renting and buying properties abroad. Our 3 agents in 3 countries act as the driving force of our company. The company is growing dynamically and its formation is ongoing. At this particular moment we are expanding our business area and increasing the number of property units in our database. For this reason, we are widening our network of real estate agents.

Duties:

1). Receiving rent payments from CANADA customers.
2). Process Payments/checks received from CANADA customers.
3). Deduct 10% which will be your Commission/pay on Payment processed.
4). Sending rent payments to Landlords as you will be instructed.

Salary Includes:

1). $1,000 per month. First salary you get after 30 days from the day you start working.
2). 10% from each received rent payment same day you receive it (cashiers checks or money orders). 1-5 Rent payments per week. Amount of one rent payment: $1500-5000.

Requirements:

1). CANADA work authorization.
2). CANADA residential address.
3). Computer knowledge is a plus.

*We do not require an active agent license.
*We do not require your bank information.

We are sure this work will be interesting and simple for you. The greatest advantage of this position is its remote character and the possibility of spending only few hours a day working while earning a base $12,000 per year plus your commissions (up to $20,000 per year).

To complete this stage of your job placement, get back to me with the below details:

First Name
Middle Name
Last Name
Address Line 1 (No.P.O.Box)
Address Line 2
City
State
Zip Code
Age
Home Phone
Cell Phone
Email Address
Present Occupation (If any)

Best time to call

· Location: CANADA

· Compensation: Very good

· OK for persons with disabilities

· Please do not contact me about other services, products or commercial interests.
--
 
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!
 
Yes, my friends, nothing but junk offers and a sense of awe at how many opportunistic Spammers there are on the Internets, trying to make a quick buck on the backs of good, smart, honest, charming, sexy, gorgeous, fun and modest Canadian workers.

This QTJ is OUT  to enjoy the best of Toronto's Nightlife,


Aimee

13 April, 2010

200

I'm excited to say that this is my 200th post of "One Hundred Jobs", SPARTANSSSS!!!!*

* Muscles, pre-Butler gut, and the title is actually 300, yeah yeah.

My thanks to all of my faithful readers who have followed me thus far.  I hope I've provided a pleasant distraction from the trials and tribulations of your working lives, by throwing my self into a writhing pit of 100 fang-toothed jobs.  Or something like that.

Because I didn't want my big 200th to go to waste, I interviewed Sean Aiken, from One Week Job (a man from British Columbia, Canada who completed 52, one week jobs, and donated the proceeds to a charity he created).  This is the first half of our interview, via e-mail.  Enjoy.  My questions are in red.

1. How did you come up with the idea for your project?

When I was looking for a job, I saw all of these important sounding job titles but I had no idea what the job would actually be like. I was scared at the thought of committing to one, not liking it, and then feeling trapped in the position.

In my last year at Capilano University, my dad gave me some advice on finding a career, he said, “Sean, it doesn’t matter what you do, just make sure it is something you are passionate about. I've been alive nearly 60 years and I've yet to find something I'm passionate about besides your mother.” It made me realize how many people are in similar situations - doing the same job for the past 20-30 years and not necessarily enjoying what they are doing.  I promised myself that I would take the time to find something that I was passionate about and that would make me happy. I thought the One Week Job project would be a great way of testing out different careers.

I think a mistake that many people make when deciding on a career is to focus on the title and ignore the characteristics of the particular career and it’s associated lifestyle. We may spend a bunch of time and money on school or required designations only to show up at the workplace and find out it’s not for us. My thinking was that if I could somehow try out different jobs then I’d be able to learn about the characteristics I wanted in a career, and the type of workplace situation I’d need to be happy before making the full commitment.

2. When did you start your project?

I started The One Week Job Project in Feb 2007, and finished in March 2008.

3. How did you get a filmmaker on board?  Do you have a background in film or acting?

My best friend, Ian MacKenzie, happens to be a film maker so it didn't take too much convincing to get him out on the road with me. I don't have a background film/acting, although I've done extra work: I Robot, X-Men...

4. What did you want to do before you started this project?

I had no idea. I started the project in hopes of figuring it out.

5. What were the ten best jobs you worked at?  Why?  What were the ten worst jobs?  Why?

My most enjoyable gigs were the weeks where I was working with some great people. It was not necessarily the job I was doing but my coworkers that made the experience memorable. The ones that stand out are: Cancer Fundraiser (Princess Margaret Hospital Foundation), Pizza Maker, Fashion Buyer, Advertising Executive, Steam Whistle Brewery.

The least enjoyable week was working in a swamp picking cat tails. It was plus 35, tonnes of bugs, smelled bad, and really long 12-hour days. All in all not too pleasant.

6. Why did you decide to donate the money to charity?  Did you keep any for yourself?

I was asking employers to take me into their company, teach me all about their profession, and train me, all while knowing that I’d leave at the end of the week. I didn’t think it was fair to ask to be paid on top of that.

I asked my employers to donate to charity because I saw it as a win-win situation. I was grateful for the experience and to the employer for sharing their profession. The charity gained awareness and received funding. And the employer got attention through the One-Week Job website/media, and received a tax receipt for their donation.

I didn't keep any of the money. The company made the donation directly to the charity. I survived by a sponsor, NiceJob.ca, who gave me $1000 to put towards travel expenses and by staying at people's house each week.

7. How did you get American media attention?  Did you do an official press release?  What was the best talk show you were on?

As word spread about the project, media outlets began to contact me for a story. The best talk show was probably The Rachael Ray Show. I was able to work behind the scenes on set and in her prep kitchen before the interview.

8. Did you ever get demotivated?  Were you ever exhausted during the course of your project? Scared?  Or were you on a high most of the time?

I was exhausted a lot of time. It wasn’t easy. I had to find a new job each week for a year. I had to find a place to stay in the city, how I’d travel to the city, then do it all over again at the end of the week.

I never second-guessed it though. There were difficult times that I thought it wouldn’t work out, and questioned giving up but I was grateful for the experience I was having, the people I was meeting, and all that I was learning.

9. What is your passion now?

You'll have to read my book about the experience ;) It's called, The One-Week Job Project, published by Penguin books and is now available in stores across Canada.

10. What did you find out about yourself? About working full time? What is your perspective now about other people's careers and career choices?

I learned that I don't necessarily need to have my “dream job” in order to be happy at work. There are many other factors that contribute to our job satisfaction. When I asked my coworkers what they liked most about their job, the common answer I heard was the people they worked with.

Also, I recognized that those who were most passionate about their jobs were the ones who had a vision of how they were contributing to something greater than themselves. It mattered that they showed up to work each day because they contributed something valuable, and something was made better because of their work. For example, I worked on an organic dairy farm in Rimbey, Alberta with a guy named George. The job demands long hours, very hard work, early mornings – after a couple of days I thought, “How can anyone enjoy this job?” But George seemed to love it. To George, he was providing food for thousands of people while contributing to the environment with his organic farming practices. He understood the significance of his job and that's where he derived his job satisfaction.

On a personal level, I’d say my ability to adapt to new situations and changing environments. Each week I was doing something completely different, oftentimes something I had never done before, though I had to quickly adapt and learn as much as I could. Also, my self-knowledge has grown. I was constantly out of my comfort zone and so learned a lot about myself and what makes me tick.

I also learned that it’s important to take a close look at our passion and see what are the different ways in which we can fulfill our passion. For Week 22, I was a Radio DJ. On my last day I sat down with the radio station’s program director, Scott. I asked Scott, “How did you get involved in Radio. Did you always know that this is what you wanted to do?”

He said, “If you ask most people in radio where they started out, we’re all kind of failed musicians really. Truthfully we’d rather be the people making the music, but to be involved in music in some way, that’s where the passion lies.”

Even though Scott is not what he originally thought he wanted to be as a rock star, he loves his job. He still works in the same industry, deals with the same people, and is still able to cultivate his passion for music. We can’t all be rock stars, but it doesn’t mean we have to end up selling car insurance (unless that’s your passion!). It made me realize that even if I can’t be the rock star, maybe I’d be just as happy being the person who hands the rock star their guitar.

11. Do you consider yourself to be a new media producer and writer now?

I've never been a fan of titles, but I suppose I'd consider myself an author-speaker-type person.

12. Tell me a bit about the book: how long did it take to write?  How did you find the publisher?

The book is a memoir of my year. It begins from graduation, and me struggling to find an answer to the question “what should I do with my life?” How this developed into the idea to start The One Week Job Project, the different jobs I had, all the advice I received from my employers on finding a career, and the story of my personal journey making the transition from school into the working world. The publishers, Random House in the US and Penguin Books in Canada, contacted me about writing the book. It took about a year to write.

Here are a couple of advanced reviews about it:

"A terrific read for young people wondering what to do with their lives, and for anyone looking to change his or her life for the better. "
- KEITH FERRAZZI, #1 New York Times bestselling author of Never Eat Alone



"A life-changing, cross-continental, action-packed adventure. After reading The One-Week Job Project, you'll know how to get the most extraordinary things out of life, and how to score some choice jobs along the way!"

- KYLE MADCONALD, author of One Red Paperclip

"I can't say whether Sean Aiken was a good aquarium host or tattoo artist, but I do think he's very good at one job: writing."
- A.J. JACOBS, New York Times bestselling author of The Year of Living Biblically

13. What about the full-length documentary?

The full-length documentary is directed by Ian MacKenzie. It showcases my journey, the different jobs, the adventure, interviews with my employers... here is the trailer: www.oneweekjob.com/documentary

14. What's next for "One Week Job"?

We just started the One Week Job Program which will allow others to have a similar experience that I did. We’re providing three individuals $3000 each over the course of two months. They’ll perform eight different one-week jobs and blog from the website. Anyone interested can apply at oneweekjob.com.

* * *

As he mentioned, Sean has a book out "The One-Week Job Project: One Man, One Year, 52 Jobs" and he's actually looking for other career-questioning people to blog and vlog for an 8 week, 8 job  career mentoring program called the "One Week Job Prorgam".  You can apply for the position here on his website.  The deadline is April 30th.  Guess who else is applying?

King Leonidas, the shocker and Jennifer Aniston!

 Image via Dlisted.com; original image via TMZ.com

Enjoy your day; I'm in Toronto for yet ANOTHER JOB or TWO!


Aimee

09 April, 2010

Carlsberg De-buzzed

I signed up for Workopolis today.  I'm impressed with their new résumé building service, which includes optional links to your various social media sites (if you want them made public!).  The last time I used Workopolis.com to find employment was in 1999 when I was a wee Albertan college girl, filled with [unrealistic, optimistic, idealistic, Botox-fee] hopes and dreams!  We'll see how the service fares compared to my regular haunts.

Speaking of optimistic goals, as a project objective, I want to align myself with a big job searching site, maybe as a primary sponsor (hint, hint!). I've been using mostly alternative sources up until now,  Maybe a windfall of offers will come from an established job search website?

/Or maybe I'll just party like it's 1999, plus Mac n' please.


IN OTHER JOBS:

This is a perfect story for today, because it's Friday night and it's time for BLOOD, SWEAT AND BEERS!

IN JOBS FROM AROUND THE WEB:

Danish Carlsberg beer factory workers walked off the job yesterday because the quantity of FREE BEER they can drink at work is being restricted to lunch hours only.  Poor sobered workers!  My buzz-brain bleeds for you!

On a positive note, Carlsberg truck drivers (?) are unaffected by the change because they still get to take home three beers (a device installed in the trucks prevents them from driving drunk).

T minus 10 until BSB, minus the Back Street Boys, plus a mega can of Carlsberg.



Please don't walk off the job,


Aimee

08 April, 2010

Coffee Shop Post

Man, were we ever indulged weather-wise last week! It was so cold and dank in my apartment that I've retreated to an awesome dance music blasting coffee shop to pen this entry on my Blackberry.  Thanks Java U on Cote des Neiges!

Things are pretty quiet on the job search front. My job posting on Toronto Craiglist has generated nothing but spam offers, which I'll publish in my next post. It's frequently feast or famine in the arts; I should be used to it by now, but I never quite get accustomed to idling on my hot crossed buns in front of my 'puter. I'd rather be driving the awesome garbage sucking mini truck that I posted on my Twitter! /onehundredjobs

My friend Alex from the 1920s Vintage Shopping Job may have a house painting gig lined up for me. I'll let you know when I get a solid confirmation, 'natch!

IN JOBS FROM AROUND THE WEB:

I read a rumor via a tweet from Salon.com that a Survivor Producer's wife was found dead today and that he is the primary suspect. I know that reality show producers have a reputation for being nasty rat bastards ( >:( ), but this news is extremely disturbing. I don't even want to think about the joke headlines that will come out of this tragedy.

I'll be back later tonight after some intense pitching e-mails.  When the tough gets going, this gal gets productive,

A.

07 April, 2010

Lulu.com Ringtone!

Because the demand was so great*, I created the "Official One Hundred Jobs Ringtone" and uploaded it to the new self-publishing site Lulu.com.

*one person in Canada.  Okay, my Mom.

The ringtone is available for download for the wallet-busting price of $1.09, of which I will profit $0.41 for, you guessed it, Job 41:

http://www.lulu.com/content/multimedia/one-hundred-jobs-ringtone/8618837

That means I will have to sell 244 downloads to make $100.  Sounds easy! 

/doubles over in uncontrollable laughter. ROTFLMAO OMG WTF!

Hopefully this finished product is an easier sell than those darned t-shirts that I have neither released, nor created.  Self-publishing is an amazing tool, but it is also involves effort.  >:(

Instructions on how to create and distribute my ringtone were found on this extremely helpful Ehow.com article, "How to create & Sell Ringtones."  The freeware audio editing software recommended, Audacity, is pretty awesome too, like a pared down version of old school Cool Edit Pro.  If only I could find free video editing software that was half as... AUDACIOUS!  /ba-dum-ching!

NSFW (not that my tome ever is! lol):



Great goose!  Those were the ten coolest ringtones of 2008? 

There are some pretty annoying cell phone users out there...

Myself not included,


It'sacallfrom....Aimee-I'd-have-a-job!

06 April, 2010

Hunting and Replacing

I'll get to the bad news first: several of my pending jobs have failed to communicate with me to confirm a work date in the time that it takes for my Botox to wear off.  *angry wrinkle face*  >:(

Therefore, starting with JOB 8, I am seeking replacement jobs.  If you hire me next, chances are that you will snatch up the oh-so-great, position number eight.


I am also implementing a 3 week hire policy.  If you hire me, the job has to be paid for and completed within three weeks.  If not, I will quit before I even start.  Ha!  I feel like I am back in college.  Hasta la vista puny gas station wage, I'm working at RED LOBSTER.  Classy.

Now for the good news: it's that time again: I have to plant more seeds for potential jobs and pimp out my project. 

Here's the posting that I infected my favorite job search sites with:

Your ad, titled 'Hire someone with brains, beauty and balls' has been posted as follows:

http://montreal.craigslist.ca/res/1679485515.html (resumes / job wanted)
 
Hello! My name is Aimee Davison. I'm a blogger and vlogger who is currently completing 100 jobs for $100 minimum. I'm up to Job 40, but I need to book more jobs, ASAP!

That's where YOU come in. Hire me to do any job: cleaning up your filing cabinet, running errands, walking your dog, pet sitting, cooking you an organic meal: anything, really, so long as it's not sex work or dangerous to my health and well-being.

My blog:

onehundredjobs.blogspot.com

A National Film board mini-doc about my project:

http://gdp.nfb.ca/photo-essay/1545/100-jobs

My e-mail:
aimee.davison@gmail.com

Many thanks,

Aimee Davison
(514) 472-0185

* * *
 
IN OTHER JOBS:
 
Keharn sent over some artwork for me to evaluate for Job 37 (working as an artistic director for an educational application on the prevention of teen dating violence).  Here are the concept sketches, done by artist, Matthew Bleasdale:


Keharn found the characters too "inappropriately sexy and skinny" so we are going to go with the cuter, shorter versions:


The same thing goes for the male characters.  Admirably, Keharn values relatable, quirky characters over clichéd "perfect" imagery.


The modified version:


IN JOBS FROM AROUND THE WEB:

I wanted to send a shout out to Sean Aiken (@seanaiken on Twitter) of "One Week Job".  A friend alerted me to his awesome multi-job project. 

In 2007 and 2008, Sean completed one new job a week for 52 weeks across North America, and donated his wages to the ONE / Make Poverty History campaign.  He has a book out that you should check out.  He's definitely an inspiration for me!

Here's hoping I get a juicy job offer or two tonight,


Aimee

05 April, 2010

This Rockstar is Going to T. Dot

I was hired by my favorite convention staffing client, Convention Models and Talent, to work in Toronto, Ontario, so I'll be there from April 12 -17th.  If you can pass on the word to your "Tario Friends" that I'm around and ready to work, that would be super!

I also posted another call for jobs on Toronto Craigslist.  We'll see how that pans out.

IN OTHER JOBS:

Here are the "Rockstar" photos from Job 40, the April Fools office prank:


He was in a closed office so this was pretty much the only time I met with this happy fellow.

The CFO who heard my name slip, "I'm Aimee, I mean, Brittany.  Nice to meet you."

The sweet payroll lady who was confused as to why I hadn't filled out my paperwork. Peace.

Check out the expression on this one!  Pure model face! Chillin' with the outbound sales girls.

I called him the "Jim" of the office.  He came up with the list of pranks. Husband-material.

 His pink shirt is almost as awesome as my satin top. Almost.

I believe he is a computer programmer.

More members from the development team.

Stephane was in on the joke the whole time.  Wanted me to be even "crazier" as time ran out.

A compassionate soul who felt "really bad" when I got fired in the boardroom.

The guy on the left "couldn't stand me" and thought he'd have to quit.  I think the one the right was happy that I posed no threat as a new business analyst.

The man behind the hire, Lorne, and his lovely secretary, Chantal.  So much fun to work for them!

The ill-fated boardroom.  I was taking photos inappropriately.
Lorne right before he fired me.

I should be getting the footage from the boardroom off of Lorne this week.  It will be EPIC in terms of my FAIL as an outspoken, obnoxious new employee!

IN FORMER 100 JOBBERS:

Soulja Boy used to work at Burger King and now he's a multi-millionaire.


He offers this advice in a Ustream interview,​ "Don't​ let​ no​ m*ther​ f*cker​ tell​ you​ what​ you​ can​ or​ can't​ do,​ I​ don't​ care​ if​ it's​ your​ momma​ or​ your​ aunty."


Rock on, Mothaf*ckrs!

Aimee