[Boo]ty Shake

Do I really need to do a complicated write-up for Job #11? Not really. The video speaks for itself.

Before I reveal all, I will post a funny edit I did in Photoshop during the Elliot Spitzer/Ashley Dupré high-class hooker scandal a year ago:


Click on the photo to enlarge to read my text. I majored in Ass.

And here is the video. Enjoy. Happy Helloween. Would appreciate comments.




Aimoo-boo

Job 11: Booty Shaking Video Part 1

I interviewed Ryan Webb of StyleShark.com and I practise my MAD BOOTIEZ SKILLZ in Episode Nine:



Happy pre-Halloween drunkin' and bumpin'!


Aimee

Style Shark Shimmy

OFFICIAL ANNOUNCEMENT: AIMEE DAVISON WILL BE SHAKING HER BOOTY FOR STYLESHARK.COM!

Yup, I wound up responding to the booty shaking advertisement on Craigslist, and it turned out that I could negotiate the rate I needed to shake my money maker!

In doing research on Booty shaking videos, I actually find them to be quite sexually empowering to women of all shapes and sizes, much like burlesque. You don't need to be stick thin and made of silicone to make a sexy booty shaking video. You also don't need expensive equipment, or to be a professional dancer. All you need is ya butt, and some rhythmic shakin'.

I found this amazing NSFW mini-instructional video on three types of booty shaking: the Atlanta, the Indian and the Brazilian. In my mind, the Brazilian wins, by far:


via videosift.com

I've been practicing and came up with a little routine that I think will work just fine. It's been a lot of fun blasting dance music and shaking my b-donk-donk in my living room. It's a great work out.

I'll release the footage tomorrow, along with my interview with the creator of Style Shark, Ryan Webb.


Aimee

P.S. The body painting guy cancelled. Apparently he has the flu?

Quiet Day

Hello,

Had a pretty quiet day today. Cleaned for Richard and installed some lino tiles.

The bodypainting guy wrote back, and it appears he accepted my offer to paint him for $150, exempting his nether-regions. But he hasn't confirmed a time or location yet, or called me, so... we shall see. If it happens, it will be tomorrow.

Mike, the Nigerian, wrote me a few e-mails:

--

Mike,

I have forgiven you. What did you have for dinner last night? I ate macaroni.

--

thanks so much..you know there is nothing much going on here..i am in school here in nigeria and i have to leave school live in my hostel with roomate..i am looking forward to know you and maybe talk about each other and if you willl love to call me on phone i will appreciate that alot..I am so happy that you have forgiven me ..thanks so much that means alot to me

--

Mike,

What are you in school for?

Why don't you put your computer skills to use for employment that
isn't mail fraud?

Have you ever heard about organizations that provide microfinancing
loans to young entrepreneurs? What kind of business would you like to
run?

--

Hello Aimee
Thanks for your wonderful mail..i am just so happy getting to know each other and i am in for studying banking and finance..I should start a programme on it as you said but here in our country is not that well develop and nothing like such is going on and i have never heard about microfinancing loans to young entrepreneurs....If there is anything you can do to help me i will be so glad...If you feel like calling me telling me more about this and trying to know each other better let me know ok...Have a nice day and pls do take good care of yourself...Thanks so much

--

Mike,

Question: Do you like the music group P Square?

* * *

He really seems to want to get me on the phone. Maybe he can better manipulate my finances that way. I'd FOR SURE talk to him on Skype, though, and record it.


Should I dress up as a Nigerian Scam for Halloween?



Aimee

P.S. Tomorrow, I will reveal more details about my collaboration with Style Shark!

Googly-Eyed Monsters and Other Ghosts...

Drat! I was so close to securing a custom costume gig that I found on Craigslist last night:

* * *

Hello,

My name is Aimee Davison and I'd love to make a costume for you.

I made my costumes (the cigarette girl and the pink one) on
www.modelmayhem.com/missmaemontreal. I am very crafty.

I also would love to interview you for my Blog
onehundredjobs.blogspot.com. You would be, appropriately, Job 13!!!!

Call me tomorrow, as I am away from my phone right now or write back
anytime!!! I LOVE THIS AND WILL MAKE YOU AN AMAZING COSTUME!!!
--

Reply |David to me
show details 8:37 PM (19 hours ago)

Hi Aimee,

Thanks for your response and great respect for your work. I am
meeting with someone named Ruby early afternoon tomorrow who
seems quite interesting but if that doesn't work out I will contact
you.

Regards,

David

* * *

It ould really be awesome if I could secure a Halloween gig as Job #13. I MIGHT try this one, though I am not sure if the painting includes "the PUMPkin":

Any body painters in Montreal? (Montreal)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: 2009-10-26, 2:03PM EDT
Reply to: bodypaintingpumpkin?@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


I'm going to a "mask only" Halloween party in Montreal on Friday. Are there any body painters around?
I'm male. 5'11 180; 49
thanks


* * *

OH OH! I was almost scammed to run errands this week:

--
Hello

How are you doing today? Are you available to run errands? I am
looking for someone who can handle my personal and business errands at
his/her spare time and someone i can trust and make my business more
successful... Someone who can offer me these services:
Mail services: Receive my mails and drop them off at UPS (nothing illegal).
Shop for Gifts
Bill Payment
Sit for delivery( at your home) or pick items up at nearby post office
at your convenience.
Let me know if you will be able to offer me any of these services.
Thank you

--

Hi Mike,

Is this offer in response to 100 jobs? If so, can you please call me?

514.472.0185

Aimee

--

Thank you for your respond.. I am in currently out of the country here in the United Kindom so there will be no interview. I will prepay you in advance to do my shopping. I will also have my mails and packages forwarded to your address. If you will be unable to stay at your house to get my mails, I can have it shipped to a post office near you and then you can pick it up at your convenience. When you get my mails/packages; you are required to mail them to where I want them mailed to.

You don't have to put money out of your pocket, all you have to do is have packages shipped to your house and do my shopping. You are allowed to open the packages to reveal its content.Pls i want someone i can can trust and will also be honest with me cus i have never done this before and i hope i am meeting the right person for this errands for me.. The content of the packages are computer and electronics, clothings business and personal letters... All expenses and taxes will be covered by me. You will work between 15 and 20hrs a month. How much will you charge per week? I will pay $200.00. That is not a bad offer is it? I need your service because I am constantly out of town. I work in real estate and I own an Art Gallery in United Kingdom. I will return to Canada next month so this process will be on going till then. If you don't mind, I will meet up with you when I return and then we can talk about the possibility of making this long term.let me know if you are able to handle the position.

--

Mike,

What is your home address? What is the website of your gallery, please?

--

Thanks to getting back to me..I understand why you asking all this questions but am telling you have no problem working with me ok..The name of my gallery website is BristishArts.co.uk...pls you have nothing to worry about ok..pls get back to me as soon as possible so that we can proceed...have a wonderful day

--

Hello Mike,

I have no problems retrieving mail, but your job offer is still
mysterious. Where do you live in Montreal? What area? How would you
pay me? If you say wire transfer, I am not interested.

--

Hey i hope i am not disturbing you with this???pls if you think you can work with me pls tell me so it wont be as if i am forcing it on you..i will be paying you with cheque and i hope you are ok with that.....When i get back home my address is 1228 Sherbrooke Street West Montreal and i hope i have answer your question... No heavy packages is involved! You can do the shopping at any nearest stores.. You will be shopping for Electronics and clothing's.. I will provide you my personal UPS account number for Shipping. All you have to do is provide my account number to UPS and shipping charges will be applied into the account. I will provide clear set of instructions for each task I need done as well the funds to cover them. If I were to mail you money to do my shopping plus upfront payment for your service, where would you want it mailed to? How should your name appear on the money? Maybe you can provide me with the following details below
Full Name:
Full Address:
(NO P.O.BOX)
City:
State:
:Zip Code:
Phone Number:
Age:

Thank you!

--

Mike,

This is a total scam.

How's the weather in Nigeria?

--

hahahahahahahahahaha...who are you?? i will love to know you..how you come across all this??

--

Mike,

Who am I? You contacted me! I am a blogger and an actor... are you
using an online translator to translate my messages?

Scamming money is illegal, as is mail fraud. But I know you know that.

--

i will love to get you know you..you such a sharp guy..i am sorry for what i did but hope you understand is the economic melt down..pls let get to know each other better..take to you soon

--

Mike,

I am a woman, not a guy.

What country do you live in?

--

You guess right i am in Nigeria i am so sorry for had lie to you but i hope you understand the reason why...and i hope you have forgiven me Mrs Aimee Davison..i am so happy that i have open up to you telling you who i am ...pls let get to know each other....

* * *

So what should I ask him next?

A) What he had for dinner last night?
B) If he read "The Game" by Neil Strauss, and if so, does his consider himself to be a PUA?
C) His pant size?
D) What is the meaning of life?


I'm off to the Vice Magazine party tonight. Maybe I can use my PUA skillz to secure another gig. All I have to do is neg my future employer and gradually increase my mental "kino".

Your tie is ugly, but I love your company. Hire me.


Isolate and secure (HOOOOOOKKKKEEEEEEYYYYY),


Aimee

The Human Cost of Promotional Marketing

When an advertising company creates a shocking print ad like this:



Or this:



Or a [NSFW, hilariously funny and inappropriate] viral commercial like this:



the actors and models are hired to momentarily depict objectionable behaviour. Print and video advertising can push the boundaries of propriety, human interaction and labour laws because they are primarily fictitious displays, created in a controlled environment.

The problem with promotional and street marketing is that it often attempts the same bold strategies, but employs actors (in industry terms, promotional reps or brand ambassadors) in real social situations to execute the campaign. What looks good on paper, or what seems conceptually sound or interesting, may make for a hazardous, damaging, and illegal employment experience.

Two years ago, I worked for DDB Marketing and Knorr soup for a promotion called "Paint by Palate":



DDB's initial concept seemed great. I was to paint a large mural for three days in a temporary glass walled studio in downtown Montreal to raise funding for Concordia's Art Department. For every online vote that my mural received, $10 would be donated by Knorr to Concordia's Art Department, up to a maximum of $10 000. My artist materials were completely paid for, I was well-compensated for my time and I got to hire a friend and accomplished artist, Andras Csasar, who works and shows at Galerie de Bellefeuille, to be my mentor.

The execution of the concept is where the promotion fell apart. The studio turned out to be a large wooden trailer that had been modified into a temporary shelter. It was made of Plexiglas and plywood and would have been an acceptable structure, had it been any other season than winter.

The week of the "Paint by Palate" promotion, the temperature was around -30. Within two hours of commencing my mural, my water-based paints froze and I was a trembling, shaking mess, unable to paint straight lines. To resolve the heating situation, DDB bought electrical space heaters. However, the electrical needs of the devices exceeded the generator's capacity and the heating stopped working.

The driver of the trailer came up with a solution: on the second day he bought and installed an industrial propane heater and attempted to thoroughly insulate the structure. The temperature improved, but I felt exhausted, woozy and disoriented, which I attributed to pushing myself to complete the mural. It wasn't until a cameraman from Radio Canada came, saw the set-up, and called the fire department that we were evacuated.

Industrial propane heaters emit a large amount of carbon monoxide and need to be vented. They are not made for small spaces, and its effect is akin to a continually running a parked car in a garage. I could have died.

On a lesser scale of poor planning, DDB hired some of my friends as brand ambassadors to hand out Knorr soup samples. Again, their job would have been acceptable, if repetitive, in any other season than winter. No human being is made to withstand -30 temperatures for eight hours outside, unless decked out in Arctic survival gear. My friends had cute Knorr artist ponchos over their snowsuits, but by the end of the day they were human Popsicles, ironically dispensing warm soup.

Which brings me back to Infield Marketing and the failure of their Campus Chase street marketing promotion. In theory, hiring six cute BlackBerry mascots to walk around the Montreal Campus Chase circuit is a great idea. But if you neglect the comfort and well being of your employees, the key players in the execution of your concept, the promotion will fall apart.

I am positive that any mascot company will tell you that, barring a functioning ventilation system (which the broken, re-glued, internally hazardous BlackBerry costumes did not have), most human beings will overheat in a mascot suit within thirty minutes. In my previous mascot promotions, I cycled on and off of performing in costume, due to the physical stress. Why did Infield marketing fail to predict this hazard and implement a similar strategy? Why did they use broken costumes for an event of such long duration? Why did the event's management fail to intervene when I was in pain and move the promotion indoors when it was raining?

If promotional marketing companies were to calculate, ahead of time, the human cost of their marketing promotions, street marketing would have a better reputation, and better employee satisfaction and retention. Street promotions could be vastly improved by careful planning, pre-event testing and analysis of potential health and safety issues for their employees. There should also be legislation in place to ensure that marketing companies comply to labour laws, instead of the current situation where most companies capitalize on hiring temporary contract workers, who are usually too young or inexperienced to know their rights.

Furthermore, if companies like BlackBerry are willing to part with large sums of money for live promotions, every detail should be managed, calculated, planned for and approved of in advance. As a result of the incompetence of Infield Marketing, the client was angered and I failed at my job.

I'll leave you with a little promotional marketing ditty:

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure;
A stitch in time saves nine;
Plan for the human cost of your marketing promotion,
and the reps that you hire will be fine.


Aimee.

P.S. Recently, Mango Moose Media committed a ridiculous gaffe on behalf of Ikea. For their "Any Space Can Be Beautiful" promotion, night teams of promo reps were dispatched to stencil chalk coupons outlines on buildings around major cities. I almost worked the promotion, but was booked on a modeling job instead.

Mango Moose overlooked a key detail: the spray chalk they were using was permanent on some surfaces. The public and city councils responded very negatively to graffiti defacing their public and private spaces, and Ikea's VP was made to apologize. Sources: National Post. and Vancouver Skateboarding Shop Defaced.

Tempest in a Mascot.

You want to know about what it's like to suffocate in a CrackBerry coffin? Watch this video:



Note to viewers: unless they pay you $100 an hour, DO NOT work as a mascot. Cute on the outside, hell on the inside.

:| - heeeeeeeelllllpppppp!


A

Horrible, dreadful day.

This is the first job I am going to complain about. Job #9 was a failure.

My mascot experience for Infield Marketing was TERRIBLE. The event was mismanaged primarily by Blackberry's marketing team (two vicious young women with not an ounce of humanity. In fact, they refused to give me their names, no doubt because of their culpability) and less so by the frazzled street team manager. I will venture that all of the managers were in their mid-twenties, at most. Inexperienced, aggressive and immature.

In the last two hours, I was forced to stand out in the rain, with inadequate clothing, my costume was broken, and I had hot glue poking me in my nose and upper forehead constantly. I couldn't see properly because my eye visor was fogged. One very kind handler was forced to do the job of two handlers; we were supposed to have one handler each. We had no set breaks and no lunch. All this for $12.50 an hour, had I accepted Infield Marketing's first offer. Dreadful.

I will write up a more thorough analysis after I have had time to digest.

However, my experience today brings up a good topic: the BAD side of street marketing promotions. Promotional marketing gigs, at their worst, are God awful. Worse than cleaning toilets.

Note to the Blackberry marketing women, also known as "THE CLIENT" (kind of like the Borg, but uglier), you should take a refresher course on compassion. I worry for your future offspring, should you successfully mate with a warm blooded HUMAN BEING. Your behaviour reminded me why one can successfully argue that some corporations are sociopaths.


Grossed out and tired and worth so much more than a shit job (God save the young University students who put up with this shit because they have few other casual employment options),



Aimee.

New hair, New jobs!

Because it's Friday and girls just wanna go to the salon, here is a photo essay of my hair and make-up evolution for the day:

Just outta my bathies:



After make-up magic and before meeting with Divine.ca:



My new haircut, courtesy of Kelly at Industria (Industricoiffure.com):



In jorbs, shooter-style:

Announcing Job 11: I will be doing a special project for StyleShark.com, an online men's magazine in the style of Heavy.com. It's going to push me out of my girl-next-door comfort zone, so I'm excited to take on the project. I'm keeping it a secret, though, until I meet with the Site's creator, Ryan, early next week. Clue: I am one of their beaut's with a brain.

Yin to the yang, for my future job 12: I had a meeting with the online women's magazine Divine.ca and it looks like I'll be doing a custom video project for them. Divine has useful, practical and entertaining content by women of all ages. It's filled with great articles, fun quizzes and useful tools like a built in BMI calculator. It's not superficial or spammy and it supports a cause I believe in: EMPOWERED, EDUCATED WOMEN!!!!!!

More details next week!

I gotsa 5 to 7 drinky affair to attend so I must bounce.


Cheers!!!


Aimee

Numubu.com: Job #10!

I am delighted to announce that on Monday I will be promoting the new music promotion and networking website Numubu.com.

The site has a cleaner interface than MySpace and it is specifically targeted to music creators and new music listeners. There are many promotional tools that NuMuBu offers, including a portal to sell your MP3s for free.

I remember MP3.com from like ten years ago. I actually had a song I composed on it under Aimeeember (My logo was what I thought was a clever æ). But the site changed and shut down old artist accounts in 2003... Looks like NuMuBu can take off in its place!

If only I could find the song I composed... I'll look later.

* * *

There have been more e-mails from HandsOFF. Turns out, he's not just a self-pleasurer, but a NIHILIST:

Good Day Aimee,

Firstly, I must say, I never asked you to prostitute yourself. The
$200 was offered as a gift of gratitude if you had accepted my offer.
Secondly, if you feel like a prostitute because I have offered you
money in return for this favor, then, by God, money does not have to
be a factor (lol, just a little sick humor). That was just an act of
kindness on my behalf. Now I must quote your "horrifying mental images
of a stranger pleasuring himself". You tell me what is more
horrifying! A kind stranger who offers you some money for a simple
visual pleasure or a model promoting a brand like DISNEY, GAP, NIKE,
MCDONALD'S ETC ETC. Let's take Disney for example, a company that
utilizes sweat shops with young children working for pennies and then
turning around and selling a sweatshirt that cost them 19 cents for
$26. Now that is horrifying!!! Didn't you say you were a model???
ooops! So you are promoting brands from companies that are
horrifying, quite the paradox. How does that not violate your moral
principals??? Furthermore, you feel that it would be more ethical if I
spent $200 on a girl and then coaxed her into watching me. WOW!!! How
conniving, manipulative and dishonest. I am an honest individual just
seeking some honest fun with no strings attached, that's all. Don't
get me wrong, I totally respect the way you feel about this and
completely understand your position, but I gave you my little analogy
just to demonstrate to you that if you look real close at everything
in this world, you will always find some underlying horror, lurking in
the background, somewhere. Anyhow, everything is an illusion and all
has a beginning and an end so I just want to have my sporadic moments
of entertainment once in awhile, that's all.


Sincerely,

HandsOFF

* * *

The horror he is talking about is his hand, which is always in his
pants. So I don't really have a choice but to accept his logic.

Bombing on CNN?

Hand-in-the-pants.

Two children missing?

Hand-in-the-pants.

Your mother's birthday?

Hand-in-the-pants.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPP!

* * *

In other offers:

Someone e-mailed me asking if I would hang out with him for a couple of hours and go clubbing for $140 bucks. Again, I am hesitant. If the dude is nice, well, sure I'll interview him and document our evening for that rate... but... does hanging out count as work?

A grafitti artist also asked me to promote him and his collective. I'm writing him back later today.

And I may be teaching an artist Photoshop for a couple hours for $100.


Ciao,


A-in-the-pants.

Campus Chase Mascot #9!

Ahhh... my blood pressure has returned to normal. I looped Bublé's "Haven't Met You Yet" until my belief in men's capacity for romantic sexual encounters returned.



I wanted to make the official announcement this morning that I have been hired by Infield Marketing (http://www.infieldmarketing.com/) to be a Mascot for their Blackberry sponsored Campus Chase at McGill University.

What is Campus Chase?

And I quoth from Campuschase.ca:

Campus Chase is a unique adventure that requires teams of two to exhibit teamwork, resourcefulness, determination and the ability to make decisions on the fly as they search for physical, intellectual, adventurous, and humorous ChasePoint challenges scattered in unknown locations throughout their campus and city.

Focusing more on the journey than the destination, participants will learn about their campus, their teammate, and themselves as they enjoy a full day of Laughter, Adventure and Discovery through an original race experience.

To conquer this 4 hour event, 2 person teams will run, walk and use public transit to navigate their way throughout campus, while utilizing technology, calling friends for help, accessing the Internet, and even employing assistance of total strangers. The first team to complete the required ChasePoints and cross the finish line WINS.

Sounds like fun. But where does my mascot suit fit in? I still don't know, actually. I meet with the tour manager on Friday to be filled in on all the deets.


A.

E-bay Job: FAIL

Yup. I might as well admit to defeat on my vintage coat sale for $100.00. No one liked it or bought it. As with all jobs, you can't be picked all the time.

I also haven't listed other E-bay items yet...

MORE FAIL!!!!!!

RE: Crazy offer!!!
Inbox
Reply |HandsOFF to me
show details 6:21 PM (1 hour ago)


Hi Aime,

I liked your challenge, but unfortunately, I am a man and I have a really off-the-wall job for you. $200 to watch me masturbate. Now I know that you specify no sex jobs in your profile, but this is no sex and no contact, just you watching and me performing. Let me know what you think. This, by the way, is a very serious offer. Thank you in advance.

Sincerely,


J.

* * *

Okay, are you ready?


Are you reaaaalllly ready?


Sit down and let me tell you something.


This may excite you beyond belief, but I will let a man jerk his chain in front of me for FREE. No cost, no payment, no financial exchange. Yes, I'll sit there and watch for hours, transfixed at the manly show.

Of course, because things don't come for free (oh pardon the pun.. ha ha ha ha), I have one condition:

THAT THE MAN IS MY MOTHERFUCKING BOYFRIEND, ASSHOLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Go to the dollar store, buy some dish soap and WASH OFF YOUR SOUL,


Aimee.

* * *

What I actually wrote back to HandsOFF:

To: HandsOFF
Subject: URGENT ASSISTANCE


STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL & URGENT.

I am Mr. Nohau, an Executive Accountant with the Department of finance of mineral resources and energy South Africa.

Within the Department of finance where I work as an Executive Accountant and with the cooperation of four other top officials, we have in our possession as overdue payment bills totaling Twenty - One Million, Five Hundred Thousand U.S. Dollars
($21,500,000.00) which we want to transfer abroad.

I have the authority of my partners involved to propose that should you be willing to assist us in the transaction, your share of the sum will be 25% of the $21.5 million, 70% for us and 5% for taxation and miscellaneous expenses. The business itself is 100% safe, on your part provided you treat it with utmost secrecy and confidentiality.

Yours faithfully,

Mr. Nowei Nohau

* * *

OH! GOOD NEWS! I am likely doing JOB #9 on Saturday! I was hired to be a mascot for a promotional marketing company. More on that tomorrow. I don't want to dirty this pond with jerk juice.


Rainbows, unicorns and kittens not killed,


Aimee

Auction Ending and Bum Waxing...

Hello!

My E-bay auction is ending tomorrow morning, just to let you all know:

http://cgi.ebay.ca/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=250514687248&ssPageName=STRK:MESELX:IT

There are no bids yet. Please note, if you live within Montreal, I will include delivery and do so personally. Remember there is a prize included, as well!

Some people pay four times as much for boring Canada Goose Fox Fur jackets. This piece is unique.

I'm also posting other items this afternoon outside of 100 jobs. Some more killer vintage.

* * *

Ah, Craigslist:

need back and bum waxed (montreal)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: 2009-10-19, 12:27PM EDT
Reply to: see below

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


not into going to spas, need back and bum waxed , you must have place and equipment


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I might have a place and some Nair strips, but I also have a problem with uncontrollable laughter.

Almost tempted, though.

almost. 'cept for the threat of smelly anus.


Less gluteus maximus, yet somehow hairier:


Female needed for corporate security. (Montreal)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: 2009-10-18, 2:00PM EDT
Reply to: corporatedonkey@areyoufuckignkiddingme.com
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

We are a private security and surveillance company which requires a woman to acquire information on a subject and report information back to us.

Age range: 27-34, caucasian, fluent in english, highly presentable.

No experience required, however, some acting background can be useful. Full training provided.

Must be bondable (i.e. no criminal record)

For compensation and further details please write including your phone number and best time to contact.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

YEAH RIGHT! Please, as a public plea, if you are an actress who is down on her luck and somewhat starving, e-mail me before you take on a shady corporate espionage job. From what little I know about such positions, you are endangering your own security for a couple hundred bucks. Not worth it. And what the hell are they doing sourcing on Craigslist?

IS THIS THE GOLD PEOPLE AGAIN?

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

* * *

I reposted on Craigslist today and I already got another response:

Hi Aimée!

What a genius idea you've got there! Really a smart thing to do.

My name is Eddy and I'm an amateur photographer. I've done a lot of photography, especially landscape... and I do it for fun. I've also done some studio photography (part of some photo classes I've taken) however not enough to have a good practice with light and studio equipment.

I'm looking for a patient model with preferably some experience to spend 3 to 4 hours with me in a rental studio where I'll be able to put in practice some of the studio shooting concepts I've learned previously and also to leverage-up my portfolio. In other words: I REALLY want to practice!

Some "conditions" I have in mind (conditions may sound too harsh, they are actually more requirements):

Model release to be signed IN CASE I submit a photo to a contest, magazine, etc.

- The model to bring 3 to 4 different dresses or outfits (preferably black or white or combination of contrasty shades for B&W photos)

- The model to be her own make-up artist (really nothing complicated; maybe a Fond de tein, eye liners, etc.)

- The model to be imaginative in posing, bringing in suggestions, etc.

- Patience.

* * *

Hey, I've got all of the above! Looks like me and Eddy will be shooting next week! I am excited because you will all get to see the range of my expressiveness as a model and how I am highly transformable. I have an elastic face. Really.


WHOOOAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyeeeeeeeaaaaaahhhhhhhhh your bum stinks,


A

Nation of Attention Whores (or a critique of those who earn their living through interpersonally transparent public peformances)

I thought I would share my response to this Salon article "A Nation of Attention Whores"

Here is my letter:

I have been thinking on this all weekend, and it's too simplistic to call reality stars attention whores.

If you are selling yourself as a media product then don't you have to market yourself, or draw attention to yourself, through the most attention garnering strategies possible? Do we see McCain's cleavage pic as morally reprehensible because she exposed something that most of us see as private? By extension are we projecting our cultural shame about female sexuality by gossiping about her choice? Do we hold McCain to a higher, virginal status because of her socio-political status?

I think there are millions of young adults who have posted similar pics with zero media criticism. McCain becomes an easy "anonymous" target to criticize because she is seen as a cultural product and not a person. Because she is dehumanized by distance and the socially distorting and exaggerating effects of the media, we can easily call her a whore without sufficient justification.

Furthermore, why are we using the term whore? Do we see these questionably talented people as interpersonally indiscriminate because they are selling facets of their "supposed" personal lives? Or are we just annoyed by the noise they need to generate to market themselves and rise above the millions of other faceless social media broadcasters (us)? Can't we just see their choices as marketing ploys akin to intrusive grocery store digital signage? As such, I prefer the term attention manipulator.

I hesitate to call myself an attention whore just because I am enjoying putting together a public, socially transgressive project like One Hundred Jobs. I know what my truth is and the strategies I need to employ to garner an audience. And yes, with numbers comes dollars. And if my product is good enough (entertaining, occasionally insightful, funny) why not make a little noise through unusual acts?

We need storytellers in our culture. We also have a psychological need for the social communities generated through gossip. We reinforce our dominant cultural values through our social critiques.

I think attention manipulators are an essential part of our culture and are sometimes more brokers or martyrs than whores.


Do you agree?


Aimee.

Onehundredjobs.ca

Good evening!

Tonight, I created the One Hundred Jobs official website. For now, the site is an evolving resumé of my completed jobs, which up until now is seven. Take a look:

www.onehundredjobs.ca

I will be adding more content as the week progresses.

* * *

The mall walking job wrote me back:

Aimee-

What a cool project! If you could do a couple malls for us we could do the $100.

Could you do Galeries de la Capitale (Quebec) & or Les Promenades (Gatineau) in addition to Place Versailles in Montreal? (It these are really far just let me know).

-Emily

Indeed, the other two locations are too far without transport. It would take two additional days to complete those locations, given the distance. I wrote Emily back explaining the logistics and we'll see what we can work out. I'm curious to know what kind of reporting I need to do as a mall walker.

* * *

From Craigslist hell:

Shake Your Booty (montreal)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: 2009-10-15, 10:25PM EDT
Reply to:

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


We're putting together a compilation of funny (female) booty shake videos.

Get paid to shake your butt on your own webcam or digital camera.

NO NUDITY (this is not for a porn site or anything like that). And you don't even have to show your face if you don't want.

Pays $25 per video.
Pays double if you show your face.
If you want to dance with a friend you can both get $25 each.

To be considered please send us a head shot, and full body shot. Submissions without requested photos will be ignored.

Payments will be made instantly via paypal.


Location: montreal
Compensation: $25-$50/hour
This is a contract job.

I ALMOST find this tempting because it's not hard core sex work. But the rate is way too low for the job. If I am gonna shake my ass in yer face, you need to pay up and keep your hands where I can see them.

LOL.


Shake your moon-ey and bounce on over to www.onehundredjobs.ca,


Aimee

Manifest like Madonna

I'm going to start with a book recommendation. It's called "The 7 Lively Sins (how to enjoy your life, dammit)", by Karen Salmansohn. It's actually super cheap on Amazon right now, starting at a bargain basement $2.99 or $0.01 used!!!!

http://www.amazon.com/Lively-Sins-Enjoy-Your-Dammit/dp/1587611732/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1255702924&sr=8-1

(I have not been paid by the publisher to transmit this message, just so you know.)

Basically, the book is a fun, spiritually enlightening romp that explores the virtues of the seven deadly sins and it encourages readers to MANIFEST HAPPINESS in their own lives by TAKING ACTION and ENJOYING LIFE'S PLEASURES without GUILT.

I re-read the book last night because I was sick in bed, and felt like it suited one of the positive messages of One Hundred Jobs: if you want to enjoy your life, take action and explore the world. Through exploring the world, you will create new human connections, which I believe is the heart of a happy existence.

A page from the book:



Before I started One Hundred Jobs, I was on the verge of being depressed. I was waiting for my agents to call to send me on auditions that weren't happening, and I was principally cleaning houses to make ends meet. I was also entirely self-financing Fashion Ambush, without sufficient revenue coming in. I was slowly sinking into debt.

Then one unemployed Saturday, I thought to myself,"What is the minimum rate that I am willing to work for that is worth my time and can help to pay off some bills?" I came up with $100.00, because it is a fair, round number. $100 pays for a week and a half worth of groceries, one cell phone bill, two electric bills, 2/3 of Max's monthly daycare, and 1/9th of my rent. Most employers can afford #100.00. My next logical thought was "How can I turn my job search into a project? I am starting to specialize in new media, so why not start my own pet project?" and thus "One Hundred Jobs" was born.

I'll quote Regis Philbin, "If you want something to happen, kick a soccer ball down the street." And so I did. I manifested my own career boost by launching this blog and now I'm helping people in the process. It's so rewarding!

Incidentally, Guy Richie was recently quoted as saying, "[Madonna is] a first-rate manifester." (People) She rocks out pretty hard, no?

And I think you can do the same.

I likely have another job tomorrow. I am waiting for the music guy to confirm as job number 8!


Stepping down from my Soapbox,


Aimee

Eskimo Coats and Cheesecakes

My listing is up for the $100 Eskimo coat. Here is a short video explaining the job and the coat for sale:




Here is the E-bay listing:

http://cgi.ebay.ca/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=250514687248


A larger photo:



The coat would make a great Christmas present. And it's guaranteed to last a long time. Hand made garments are always superior to mass produced clothing. I also prefer vintage items. You can't beat careful construction and custom tailoring.

I think everyone should make a piece of clothing in their lifetime. You don't really appreciate how much work goes into constructing a simple t-shirt until you make one yourself. It's a time-consuming, painstaking trade that most of us take for granted because we are never privy to the manufacturing process. Not to mention that most of our clothing is made in China in factories that we never see.

I recommend the movie "Manufactured Landscapes." It is positively mind blowing to witness the massive, orderly, emotionless, and destructive Chinese manufacturing industry.

The cheesecake is confirmed for November 21, 2009! I don't know what job to call it yet, because it's in the future! Technically, the cheesecake delivery is job number seven. So yes, because it's a lucky number: THE CHEESECAKE JOB IS JOB NUMBER SEVEN! I will be boarding the Via train and bringing the cake to Jason in Toronto so he can make his dear friend's birthday a memorable one. How romantic!!!!

I need to follow up on my two music jobs....


Later skaters,


Aimee

Fever still present...

I live stream tonight with the ever wonderful Brent of Mile End Media for www.thestoryfactory.net on Ustream, but man I am freaking ill. My eyeballs are burning and tearing.

But before I go read "Where the Wild Things Are" for the kiddies, here is a potential contract that I am putting out for one of my readers to grab: I am restoring and selling a vintage 1970s made-in-Labrador, Canadian eskimo coat, with brand new fox fur trim, for $100. I'm even throwing in a surprise!

I have a video showing the coat and the listing should go up late tonight.


More later and catch me on UStream at 7:30 p.m. tonight or on www.thestoryfactory.net,


Aimee.

Oil of No-way

female model oil fantasy (mile-end)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: 2009-10-13, 6:02PM EDT
Reply to: slimeball@oilydude.com

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


photo collection of oily skin

oil + photo shoot

50 dollars or full professional massage

amateur photograph, professional masseur, authentic artist

let your beauty shine for my camera

you can keep the photography for your port-folio


* * *

OH YAYS! What portfolio is that? My shiny t*t portfolio? THEN OF COURSE I'll APPLY!

Not only will I get photoGRAPHIC "evidence" of our encounter, but you'll also get to touch me with your "professional" greasy mitts! I'LL BE SHINY LIKE OILZ! BRILLIANT!

One final question: are you a pingas artist?

*shudders*

* * *

POSITIVE NEWS! The lovely man who wants a cheesecake delivered to Toronto called and it looks like he will be an upcoming job!

We need to get the logistics figured out, but if all goes well I will be hand delivering a special birthday cheesecake to Toronto on November 21! He is also being generous enough to cover my travel... thank you so much, J!

He seemed like a very kind soul and he works for this non-profit group that helps at-risk youth:

http://www.pathwaystoeducation.ca/

That is what I love about this project so far, I get to witness first hand the milk of human kindness. I love being exposed to new causes and charitable organizations.

I do not, however, love being exposed to oily artists.


EWWWWW! HANDZ OFF MY CHEESECAKE!



Aimee :D

Cheesecake and Wage Gaps

Chomp chomp. I found two spectacularly wacky jobs on Craigslist today that tickle my fancy.

One is a person asking to have a mango Cheesecake hand-delivered to Toronto in November, and the other is to walk through Place Versailles Mall and communicate with a technical support centre in the United States.

Both jobs offered less than $100, but I am negotiating my way up to my usual One Hundred Jobs rate. That's my career advice to you today: negotiate.

A lot of women (and less so, men) simply don't negotiate salaries. For women, it's especially troublesome because the glass ceiling is alive and well. Census data from 2006 reports that female college graduates working in the same position with the same experience as their male colleagues earn 85 cents for every dollar paid to men.

Source:

http://www.canada.com/vancouversun/news/business/story.html?id=d8e0a748-f3e8-4539-be51-22970db17627

Also, the wage gap widens with age and with occupation, with women earning as little as 72 cents to every dollar that a man makes in the same position, in the sales and service sectors:

http://www.scwist.ca/index.php/main/entry/women-still-earn-less-than-men-for-same-work-canadian-census-says/

I propose the wage gap partially exists because women don't understand or determine their worth and frequently do not negotiate and insist on their desired salary the way many men do. Women are taught to be nice and to compromise in bargaining situations, when they should be more direct and insistent, like men.

I believe people will pay you what you tell them, verbally and non verbally, you are worth. So ladies, ask for more and don't be afraid to put in a counter offer. And find out what the damn men are making!!!!

Show them your pingas!

Yeah, feel free to chuckle because this is coming from a women wanting to be paid $100 bucks to cart a cheesecake to Toronto, which I am sure is less than a courier would charge for a much more impersonal service. But I think One Hundred Jobs is an exception to my real professional life. I have a MASTER PLAN.

To give you a clue, it involves Justin Trudeau and Ben Mulroney. Poli-spawn mudfight.


Mall walking is for girls,


Aimee

Ick Sick

Apparently I am having Avian Pork for Thanksgiving:



In Six, I am Sixs. I think it's from my exposure to all the strange pingas last Thursday.


More when I am not hallucinating about my future sister-in-law talking to me about "boundaries."


Aimee. :D

Do I count ED as job number Sex?

See, I got the Urology job before 100 jobs, so I am hesitant to count it as job number six. But given that it is the ultimate in nether region hilarity, and it paid me more than $100, I think I can count it.

SO... for job number seven, I got this e-mail today:


Hi Aimee,
I am still interested if you are...
I just got back from another business trip and my schedule seems to be more free in the next few weeks.
you're probably busy for thanksgiving so i won't bug you, but maybe sometime next week.
By the way do you drive?

* * *

Yes, I drive, but I do not own a car(e).

Um... yays. Sincerely and appreciatively.

I also may have a music rep job from a band guy I met at the liquor store who works there. A nice artist.

More on that when I'm awake.

Ya ya not eXXXciting,

A

ED and Me

Ah, private parts.

The conference I wound up working for through CMT was a UROLOGY CONFERENCE. So I spent all day surrounded by pee-pee pictures and jokes.


(check out the glowing rays coming from the blue dude's crotch)

When I went by the Cialis booth, one of the reps asked me if I needed a sample of Cialis.

I said, "No, actually, I need something that has the OPPOSITE effect on men."

The sales rep said, "It's called Mace."

That was good one. Dude, that's like 50 points, at least.

Another fun moment: the Penis Pump guys from Georgia were super funny. I had a book in front of me that I did not know at the start of the day had very graphic images of very old, erectionally challenged, genitalia and the PP guys kept trying to force me to look at the images. I was squealing, shrieking and giggling, because we all know how much I love strange peniis!

Sweet jesus.

They also wanted to invite me to their booth for a showing of their Penis Pump video on a giant screen. It was essentially a video of a man pumpin' himself with his EREC-TECH. NO THANKS NO PENIZZ 4 ME, K BAI!

Because of my new friends, I am now the proud owner of a non-novelty penis keychain AND an unopened penis pump video. I also have access to purchase, for $585, a penis lengthening brace that grows yer dong 1.8 cm in 6 months and 0.8 cm in girth... whoo wee! Who needs spam when you got the PP men?

And the clincher of today's anecdotes, from an anonymous urologist, which reminded me of my long lost friend Shithead,

EROS-LOGIST: "So what do YOU offer in terms of solutions for erectile dysfunction?"

Me: "Unfortunately, I can offer you nothing PERSONALLY."

EROS-LOGIST: "What a shame."



Tonight I dream of weiners!!!!!


Aimee :D

Collapses

Holy crow!

I was prepared for One Hundred Jobs to be a wild ride, but now it's a waterfall! I keep getting new offers AND the jobs that I have had so far are turning into clients, meaning, they want to work with me for more than just one job and, as a massive bonus,for the rates I would typically charge as a consultant: which is a damn good thing.

I found my solution for my temporary unemployment. And I am very happy. Goodbye economic downturn...

Brent and I also just started www.thestoryfactory.net and will live stream children's book on October 14th. Pierre Bellemare of Gynad.com also wants me to work on the copy and marketing materials for his website.

But back to today: Akoha hired me on AGAIN! I really like Akoha and its talented, laid-back and friendly employees (I also know someone there through a friend... hi Simon! I had no idea he worked at Akhoa).

They hired me again today for what I will consider to be JOB NUMBER FIVE. I completed transcription of the other participant interviews of the same market research interview I completed yesterday. I also was brought on to do data analysis and conceptual assignation of the interviewees responses. In a very fortuitous way, the fifth job I was extended by Akoha, perfectly suits my intellectual temperament AND IT'S ACTUALLY JUST AS SATISFYING AS ACTING IN AN ORANGE JUICE COMMERCIAL. Who would have thunkit!

Ahhhh... so maybe now I can grow old gracefully and/or wallow in semi-obscurity and not loathe the slow and steady passing of my sparktacular cuteness. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA...

YEAH RIGHTTTTT... but still! There is greater mental satisfaction to be had than being elected the prettiest person for the ad, and yes, I realized that before today, but it has been a long time since I've done a job that felt like a good fit mentally and emotionally.

Thank you for a good, fun, corporate workday, Akoha.

Worth noting: today is the first day I tripled my minimum $100 rate.

IN OTHER JOBS:

Divine.ca, an online women's magazine, wants to hire me as a consultant to produce web video for their site, for a day. I will get more info when their contact person, Tanya, comes back from her wedding. Have a super wedding, Tanya!

She also wants me to, and this makes me so very happy and proud, speak at an upcoming Geek Girl Dinner. I am so a geek girl and that so fits. She also called me a JILL OF ALL TRADES. :D

As a pertinent backstory, when I completed the first multiplatform New Media Telefilm conference last March, my dream was to be called back in to speak at their 2010 conference, because of my successes in new media. The Geek Girl dinner is a good start and a nice little pat on the back for my new media trailblazing.

Oh how the universe gives back when you put out (No, Mr. Shithead Accountant: not in that way.)

I work tomorrow outside of 100 jobs for a mystery conference with CMT (Convention Models and Talent). They are an ABSOLUTELY AMAZING American convention and trade show staffing business that I recommend to any client OR actor or model who is into working promotional marketing jobs. They pay amazingly well and their booking staff is friendly, outgoing, smart and knowledgeable. Shelley Justice, you are my hero!

Off to bed... I have hand cramps from typing fascinating Akoha interview transcripts.


May all your purposes come true,


Aimee

My Fourth Job Mission: 500 Karma Points

Awesomedeawesomeness! I finished job number four today and it was a swirling, twirling free exchange of ideas. I had no problem being interviewed for forty five minutes. In fact, I think I spoke with John and Alex (the founder of Akoha.com) for at least two hours about myself and Akoha.com. Here is an excerpt from my interview.



I think I taped myself for 30 minutes straight before my camera ran out of storage on the hard drive!

I noticed in watching my interview that I glossed over a few interesting things that Alex said, notably about humans being hard wired not just to take pleasure in giving to others, but in being hard wired to want to give back directly to someone who gives to them. Human beings don't just want to pay it forward, but to engage in reciprocal goodwill. I think that is precisely what they are trying to inspire at Akoha.com with their missions.

I reminded myself today that I really enjoy generating ideas for projects and discussing the conceptual aspects of projects and the motivational strategies of online marketing.

Bottom line: I think Akoha.com wants to provide a tool to generate greater happiness in our lives on and offline. By engaging in real-life missions and surprising people with positive actions, you become a happier person and generate positive change in the world around you. Akoha is a karmic funfest!

Yes, I want to end on that warm and fuzzy note tonight. I will elaborate more tomorrow morning when my little ray of karmic sunshine, Max, wakes up.


Sleep bright,

Aimee

Job number four, already? YAY!

Yes, you heard that right. I booked job number four this afternoon with Akoha: https://akoha.com

Akoha was looking for focus group participants, and seeing as I already completed and received an Akoha mission from Brent of Mile End Media, I thought they would love to be one of my employers. Turns out I was right.

Tomorrow, I am going to head in early, complete my market research interview, and then interview the folks at Akoha about their website and its mission. It's still a bit of a mystery to me what Akoha is all about, but it looks like good, positive fun online. They claim they are the world's first social reality game. Cool.

I will now claim I am the world's first multiple job completion game. I am also the world's first cleaning lady/model/actor/blogger/mom, AND DAMN PROUD OF IT.

Oh! I sent out my first press release today through Newswire Today, a free press release distribution service. The press release in its entirety is just below this post. I don't know how good Newswire Today is, but it can't hurt to try. I MAY wind up paying to be on Newswire.ca, but I am thinking of waiting until I am at least ten jobs in... TO THE TOTAL WORLD DOMINATION OF GIGS!

I also called the Montreal Mirror's rant line and yammered on about wanting people to hire me and having no shame. We shall see if they publish it in their next edition, come Thursday.

So excited! Four is such a nice number... it's my best friend Heather's lucky number.


Wishing you much good karma tonight and come sunrise,


Aimee

For Immediate Release

Aimee Davison, an unemployed commercial model and actor living in Montreal, Quebec, wants to spread the word that the average Canadian artist cannot support themselves financially with sales of their art or talent.

In order to draw attention to the lack of funding and support for Canadian artists, Aimee Davison is attempting to complete one hundred jobs for a minimum of one hundred dollars and document it on her Blog, onehundredjobs.blogspot.com, and soon to be released website, Onehundredjobs.ca.

"The myth of the modeling and acting industry is that if you are a working model or actor, you are financially well off. Most models and actors that you see on billboards, in magazines and on television are the working poor in their artistic disciplines. In Canada, working in the arts is generally a part time, contractual endeavor, with unusual labor standards, zero benefits, zero sick days and no economic guarantees," says Aimee Davison.

Despite having appeared in advertising campaigns for Avon, Lise Watier, French Dressing Jeans, and in a beauty DVD released by Novem Communications, Aimee Davison regularly works as a cleaning lady to pay her monthly rent, "If I took full time work, I would not be available for castings," mused Aimee, "so I have been working as a cleaning lady and booking part time jobs or gigs for the past five years to pay my bills. I realized recently that I am probably not alone in my situation. There must be thousands of artists out there who have to work the same odd jobs I do because the arts are so incredibly under funded in Canada. I started One Hundred Jobs to illustrate how challenging it is to make a regular salary as an artist."

Aimee Davison also self-finances and produces a web series, Fashion Ambush, profiling emergent Canadian design talent, “Not only do I clean houses to pay rent, but I also mop floors to finance my new media project, Fashion Ambush,“ Aimee laughed, “New media funding is extremely hard to obtain as an independent content producer. My show generates international publicity for Canadian fashion labels, yet there are no grants available to non-televised new media series in Canada. The trail hasn’t yet been blazed for independent content producers working in Canadian media, and I also want to change that situation.”

Aimee Davison has completed three jobs, as of October 5, 2009. Socialmediamontreal.com, Gynad.com and a part-time visual artist working full-time in the telecommunications industry were Aimee's first three clients. She is accepting offers directly to her e-mail and available for any on-camera or on-air interviews.

For more information, please contact info@fashionambush.com

Crazy Carpet

I should really save the sound track from job number three, because the sound of ripping carpet is deliciously juicy:



As always, here is a list of the pros and cons of job number three:

PROS:

1. I got a workout. Carpet removal demands a lot of upper body strength. Also, I ran up and down three flights of stairs at least a dozen times, to dump the old carpets on the curb. I grunted and panted for five hours straight. As a result, dinner was ridiculously delicious last night. I chowed down at a Chinese place named Café Delicieux (Cafe Delicious) on boulevard Côte des Neiges... I recommend it... super tasty.

2. Steven was a good boss. Supportive, generous, and did not micromanage me. He was very laid back and let me have the freedom to move about his house and rip up the carpet as I saw fit. And, he had all the right cutting tools, very useful thick rubber gloves and those new-fangled stretch garbage bags. Thanks, Glad! You make strong bags!

3. RIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP... oh, the sweet, sweet sound of ripping carpet. there is nothing better than getting paid to destroy something you normally have to keep clean. Full disclosure: I hate vacuuming. This job was my ultimate revenge against my teenage chores. BWAHAHAHAH!

CONS:

1. Old carpet fiber and dried up rubber flew into my eyes when I ripped up some sections. I realized after about an hour that I should have been wearing protective glasses. The rubber gloves I was wearing were also a necessity. Without them, I would have had carpet cuts or rug burn on my hands. Likewise, I could have benefited from knee pads. The concrete was tough on my knees. Next time I work a construction or home renovation job, I'll research what equipment I need before I begin. Luckily, Steven had squash goggles that were perfect for the job.

2. The dust. I think I may also have benefited from wearing a fast mask. Man, it is dirrrty under 15 year-old carpet.

And that's that. Job number three was honest work, fair pay and resulted in two happy artists. Steven, if you are reading this, send me a picture of what your new floors look like after you install them! I'll be sure to post it!

Nighty night. I need a long dodo before I continue to search for job number four tomorrow!


Aimee.

Carpet Burns...

... I'm joking!

Yesterday, JOB #3, my carpet removal job, went great! I removed all the carpets in Steven's place in five hours. I'm not even stiff today, which surprises me. I think it's because I'm used to using my arms a lot from all my industrial cleaning for my building superintendent, Richard.

The video should be up by dinner time.

Steven was a great host... I could have ripped out the carpets while buzzed on red wine, but chose to go at it the hard way.

Because I like it like that... reality straight up.


;)


Aimee.

Moratorium on Nonsense?

Okay... see, I'm at a crossroads here with my e-mail communications with potential clients. I'm not sure whether or not I should continue to post the offensive and/or gong show e-mails from random dudes and/or dudettes from Craigslist. I don't want to encourage people to waste my time with crap. I also think it may take away from the intelligent work-related musings on my blog.

Some dude today with the user name "Excite me" and an e-mail that began with "fullofclass" wasted my time, as well as a bizarre travel offer that seems semi-legit, that went something like this:

From: Transport Guy

tell me would you travel for 500 $

Aimee Davison wrote:

Hello,

It depends what for and for how long. I would need more details
please. I have a Passport.

Could you please provide more details?

From: Transport Guy

we go until Tuesday and what is your phone number, also, do you have a picture?

Aimee Davison wrote:

We go where? I am not available this weekend. I work tomorrow. I
also don't know who you are or what job you are offering, please.
What kind of job is this?

Take care,

Aimee.

* * *

I am baffled, really. It might be a guy who posted to Craigslist looking for a secretary type to go to Vegas with him over the weekend... Thank golly my carpet removal (JOB #3!) tomorrow is straight forward.

I totally would and will and anticipate to travel with One Hundred Jobs. I just can't do it under shady circumstances.


TGIF everybody!


Aimee.

Stop asking, m'kay?

AGHRGASGSDJDFJKHWISBHJFLUIsrnklen;bjklawebhsbfkl;sueejkrnjg. GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

I WILL NOT DO SEX WORK, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE. Hear me? NONE. Not ten thousand, not fifty, not one fucking million dollars.

Outside of that, here is a list of who I would sleep with, if they asked, politely, after dinner:

1) Paul Rudd
2) Jon Hamm
3) George Strombolopolous
4) Sir Richard Branson

Nudes: only Hugh Hefner or Maxim, or Vogue, or any other legitimate publication.

* * *

Notes from the Shitbox:

HI,

What type of things are you willing to do for a $100? Do you have picture?

Thanks,

Excite me.


Reply |Aimee Davison to excite me
show details 10:11 AM (6 minutes ago)

Hey Classy Dude,

I think I've gone over this a ton of times on onehundredjobs.blogspot.com,
but I am willing to do normal jobs for a MINIMUM of $100 and document
the job for my video log. If you are legit, I am a great employee
and will complete the job to your satisfaction.

If you are asking for sex, I will kindly request that you save me the
trouble and go fuck yourself.

My best,

Aimee.

* * *

I also got a message asking me if I would travel for $500.00. I don't know what that means. I asked for more details. I don't want to end up travelling in a pine box to the United Arab Emirates.

Shithead wrote me again, asking if there is anything he could do to make me change my mind and work for him. I am hereby setting up a poll, after this post: should I pity Shithead? I leaning towards... HELL NO!

Gotta go for now... I have a legit cleaning client to take care of.


Gonna get my hands dirty, but not in THAT way,


Aimee.

Orange you glad...

... you didn't drink 2 litres of orange juice like I did today. Ugghhh... I have acid body and perma-orange flavored saliva. BUT, as a result, I do have a national Orange juice commercial coming out in 6 weeks, so I cannot complain.

Speaking of gluttons for punishment, Shitehead wrote back AGAIN:

Aimee,

i am a gentleman...so what can i do for you to accept?
please dont torture me more

*SIGH*

Shithead,

It's over. I have found somebody new who will treat me like a lady, for $100.00.

Aimee.

* * *

Today's $100 Aimee Service, up for grabs: I will be your personal vintage-store shopper, for $100.00.


Lemony fresh,


Aimee.