E-bay Job: FAIL

Yup. I might as well admit to defeat on my vintage coat sale for $100.00. No one liked it or bought it. As with all jobs, you can't be picked all the time.

I also haven't listed other E-bay items yet...

MORE FAIL!!!!!!

RE: Crazy offer!!!
Inbox
Reply |HandsOFF to me
show details 6:21 PM (1 hour ago)


Hi Aime,

I liked your challenge, but unfortunately, I am a man and I have a really off-the-wall job for you. $200 to watch me masturbate. Now I know that you specify no sex jobs in your profile, but this is no sex and no contact, just you watching and me performing. Let me know what you think. This, by the way, is a very serious offer. Thank you in advance.

Sincerely,


J.

* * *

Okay, are you ready?


Are you reaaaalllly ready?


Sit down and let me tell you something.


This may excite you beyond belief, but I will let a man jerk his chain in front of me for FREE. No cost, no payment, no financial exchange. Yes, I'll sit there and watch for hours, transfixed at the manly show.

Of course, because things don't come for free (oh pardon the pun.. ha ha ha ha), I have one condition:

THAT THE MAN IS MY MOTHERFUCKING BOYFRIEND, ASSHOLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Go to the dollar store, buy some dish soap and WASH OFF YOUR SOUL,


Aimee.

* * *

What I actually wrote back to HandsOFF:

To: HandsOFF
Subject: URGENT ASSISTANCE


STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL & URGENT.

I am Mr. Nohau, an Executive Accountant with the Department of finance of mineral resources and energy South Africa.

Within the Department of finance where I work as an Executive Accountant and with the cooperation of four other top officials, we have in our possession as overdue payment bills totaling Twenty - One Million, Five Hundred Thousand U.S. Dollars
($21,500,000.00) which we want to transfer abroad.

I have the authority of my partners involved to propose that should you be willing to assist us in the transaction, your share of the sum will be 25% of the $21.5 million, 70% for us and 5% for taxation and miscellaneous expenses. The business itself is 100% safe, on your part provided you treat it with utmost secrecy and confidentiality.

Yours faithfully,

Mr. Nowei Nohau

* * *

OH! GOOD NEWS! I am likely doing JOB #9 on Saturday! I was hired to be a mascot for a promotional marketing company. More on that tomorrow. I don't want to dirty this pond with jerk juice.


Rainbows, unicorns and kittens not killed,


Aimee